My best friend is with this guy who is four years older

Hey Rosie,

I am in Form 2 and my best friend who is in the same class is dating a guy four years older than her. I don’t know if they are sexually active, but it just does not seem right! She is only 13 and is always talking about him. I tried to talk to her and tell her that she is supposed to be concentrating on school work, but she does not listen.{{more}}

I asked her if her mom knows and she said she does not need to know! I want to help her, but I do not know how to! I want to tell her mom, but I feel like she would be angry at me and it really is none of my business, but we have been friends for a really long time.

People might say that she is bad company, but she is a really good person and friend and I am just looking out for her. Show me how to help, please.

Thank you,

I want to help.

Dear I want to help,

My, aren’t you mature for such a young age? I had to re-read this letter a couple of times, as you are a very focused young lady about your future, ethics and how one should carry oneself. Your parents should be very proud.

Now, I have to step in and let you know that you have to stop “mothering” your friend and know when there’s only so much that you can do.

It’s great that you want to guide and protect her, but you can’t control her. You could suggest that she speak to the school counsellor, a regular counsellor, maybe someone from church or an older trusted cousin, perhaps?

The key is to remember the old adage: you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink! So, she may not see that there is a problem at all and you will have to just be her friend and back off.

If she was in horrific danger, you should tell her mother, but I would not “snitch” on her. You are extremely mature and you seem to have good and solid judgement for such a young age, so play this by ear and simply be her friend in her corner, gently advising her. One day, she’ll get it.

Rosie