Dr Jozelle Miller tells women, ‘Love shouldn’t hurt’

Head of the Psychology Department at the Milton Cato Memorial Hospital (MCMH), Dr Jozelle Miller is of the opinion that “love shouldn’t hurt.”

Dr Jozelle Miller

Dr Miller shared that view with a group of mostly female farmers who attended a workshop on Thursday, June 9 at the Sans Souci Community Centre organized by the organisation ‘Women in Agriculture for Rural Development’. Participants at the workshop were also in full agreement with the opinion that “love shouldn’t hurt.”

Dr Miller went on to say that even if someone is being rebuked in love, it should not hurt.

Participants at last Thursday’s workshop were also warned against denying abuse when it happens, or making attempts to “sugar coat” what was done by an abuser.

Pointing out that abusers keep their victims trapped in a particular mindset, Dr Miller urged participants to “break the mental cycle that keeps you trapped.”

She noted that victims of domestic violence often live in constant fear and encouraged those on the receiving end to,“avoid the victim mentality”.

Dr Miller pointed out that domestic violence is not only physical, but it can also be verbal, sexual and financial as well.

She also noted that women are not the only ones who are abused as there have been cases where men have been victims of domestic violence.

“There is no race or no gender to domestic violence.”

Before the full blown abuse becomes evident, Dr Miller said the abuser gets into the mind of the victim.

“They get into your mind to destroy you at your core,” she said and warned that one of the red flags of domestic abuse is the feeling of being isolated.

She explained as well that when the abuser takes you away from friends and family or from your comfort zone, you are being set up for some form of abuse.

While many people believe that the problem of domestic violence only happens to those in the lower strata of society, she said spousal abuse also happens among those of higher status.

The difference is that “rich men do not hit in the face,” rather they tend to hit in areas of the body that will be covered by clothing and not visible to the public.

Dr Miller also noted that in communities today domestic violence seems to have become accepted.

“We have normalized certain things as being acceptable,” she charged noting that in many instances,“abusers are like bullies.”

Dr Miller said they tend to stop their abusive ways once the victim learns how to stand up to them.

After surviving incidents of abuse, Dr Miller gave some steps to participants on how to move from being a survivor to an individual who is thriving.

This can be done by simply striving for joy and peace and by always moving forward.

Dr Miller opened the workshop by sharing information with participants about mental health- depression, anxiety and understanding stress.

A similar workshop was held on Wednesday June 8, facilitated by social worker, Chrissie-ann Solomon.

Last week’s workshop was aimed at “enhancing the socio-economic, physical, emotional and mental well being for rural women and girls through farming”.