Big up de van Archie

Three weeks ago when ah kerry me vehicle to Nigel to service, he offered to drop me home, but ah opted to catch ah Mini Van at Indian Bay junction. While ah waiting ah dey praying foh someone dah know me wid ah car would pass. Anytime ah have to ride ah Mini Van, is like meking ah urgent call to go to de toilet, or pulling ah teeth: De loud music, de speeding and unnecessary overtaking, de jamming up, de sour smelly conductor, man ah van ride foh me is ah night mare.{{more}} Ah waited foh only ah few minutes and dey was my van, ah red one, from de time ah saw de name “Archie” me heart skip two beat, dah kaiso “Archie Bruk de up” came to me mind instantly. But ah pleasant looking young man was behind de steering wheel and de conductor looked quite neatly dressed. De music was unusually soft and although it was one ah dem Dub Rap tune, ah followed de lyrics, it was in English, don’t ask me what language dey does rap pon some ah dem songs, certainly not English. Ah must confess dah foh once ah was beginning to feel relaxed in ah van. Only when he hit de Arnos Vale/Vigie stretch, he stepped pon de gas ah bit, but de ride was otherwise very pleasant. When dey dropped me off at Murray Road de conductor said “Ah Dallah”! de ride did wut more so ah paid him two dallah!

Worries when ah got home, me cell phone gone! De last place ah had it was in de Van. Straight away ah dialed de number and ah male voice answered. Ah explained to him dat de phone he using was mine and asked way he answering from. He politely told me I had left it in de Van and he was at Lickle Took-yoh. We got cut off or he hung up when ah was telling him way to leave it. Ah tried calling ah few times after dat and ah got no more answer, so ah decided dat was de end ah dat. Two weeks passed and ah customer called home and told me I had left my phone in de van “Archie”, dat she had called my number and de person who answered told her dat de owner of de phone had left it in de Van and dey have not seen me since. My wife who wuks in de Calliaqua area, saw “Archie” on de road and stopped it, she told dem who she was and what she was looking for, widout any fuss, de driver opened de pocket under de dashboard and handed her de cell phone wid credit still on it. I write about dis simple but noteworthy incident because it is in contrast wid de heap ah negatives dah we does hear bout Van Drivers. I commend riding wid de guys on dat red Van but is only de name “Archie” ah fraid!

PUBLIC SERVANTS TEK WARNING

As de Corrupt-shun saga surrounding de Cuban Integrated Health Program unraveled; I remember dat in de 1960’s ah minister in de PPP Guv-ah-mint literally took over de Roads Division, bullying de Overseers, hand-picking party supporters and sending dem to wuk on “road gangs”. De plan was riddled wid corrupt-shun, people who never wuk ah day received dey regular fortnight pay. But Judgement Day came and dey was a Public Enquiry dat caused embarrassment to de Guv-ah-mint. Unfortunately, de ones who paid de price were de Public Servants. One Engineering Assistant for Roads, de authorizing officer who foolishly took de minister’s word foh Gospel and certified all de wuk, was surcharged, had to pay back every cent, he lost his pension for his many years ah service.

Judgement Day is coming again, so ah thought ah would mention dis lickle Nansee story, because ah hear my minister friend, Dr Dug-he Slater pon Radio, defending de integrity of “his honest staff” literally defying de hard evidence of misappropriation discovered and published by de Audit Department. Dug-he is still in my humble opinion, de last ah de few honest men in politics. His problem is dat he too nah-Eve, he said nuff pon Radio, but yuh would never find his signature nor Gonsalves’ pon ah piece ah paper, authorizing payment or instructing de Accounting Officer at de Hell’t Dept to buy KFC, Flash Drive, or car tyres, or pay $2, 000. 00 foh de supporter’s car dah got mash up and say is foh upholstery foh ah ministry vehicle. “Word ah mouth nah load ah head”!

Let us not be fooled, de Accounting Office at de Hell’t Ministry, was instructed, Lie-Za say threatened by ah pull-it-tek die-wreck-tah to do what him did, but if him aint got nothing in writing from de Polly-trickan, crappoo ah go smoke him pipe to rat-hid!

Ley me repeat again, corrupt-shun is pushing out he ugly face under dis ULP regime and as ah result, some upright public servants who teking dem belly mek spine to get pro-motion, will get dey pro-motion at Bel-lie Correction Centre wid supt. Rodrigues. By de way what was de IMF boss doing in SVG dis week? Please Mr IMF, no more anti-corrupt-shun measures.’Member ah have ah elect-shun in Nooo..vember!

NE..MO OR NO..MO

And Lie-Za say when de Prime Minister got Ah-Toe-Some letter, he was blown away. He was enraged, is he ever not enraged these days. he ordered dey cut off Ah Toe: “ Utter- Some think I go ley he mash me up in my constituency, he want to play Storm or Hurry Cane, well tell he I say, No-Mo foh he”! but de officer in charge ah de Firing Squad miss-understood or didn’t hear de PM correctly, he transferred Otto to Ne-Mo instead.

CRICKET AGAINST CRIME IN PRIMARY SCHOOLS

Congrats to our female cricketers who did so well at cricket, placing second to defending champions T’n’T. Could I make a recommendation dat we introduce competitive cricket for girls at primary and secondary school level. Mek it de fear-well Calm Pain slogan and call it “Cricket Rev-all-yuh-shun” or “Cricket Against Crime in Primary Schools”. Let’s start wid soft ball and gradually move on to hard balls!!! If we don’t, very soon our female cricketers will be at de bottom in de region, just like our netball. And wid dat, is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.