Hey Rosie!
February 28, 2014
I don’t know how to trust him or let him love me

Hey Rosie,

Okay, well, I’m a 24-year-old girl who is in a great relationship with this guy. Rosie, I got to tell you that he’s all that I want and more. I was in this previous relationship where negative signs were being thrown at me from the beginning, but I ignored them because that was my high school sweetheart (first boy I’d ever dated). I’ve talked to several boys, but I’ve never had a REAL boyfriend. Well, after he graduated, he ended up joining the navy, leaving me behind.{{more}}
 
He stopped talking to me and he didn’t tell me he was leaving. His mom did. So we fell outta touch, but four to five years later we reconnected again and I ended up getting stationed in the same state he was. Well, to make a long story short, I ended up arriving and things from then on were bad. He had his girlfriend living with him, but was wanting to date me. He claimed they weren’t together, but they were. She was pregnant by him and then a year or so later, he ended up getting her pregnant again, while we were dating. So, three years had gone by; we argued day in and day out; we fought (physically) every day and then finally, I just gave up and moved out (he moved his new girlfriend in). Well, I ended up getting orders to Korea (I’m military) and finally stopped talking to him altogether, even though he tried to continue to keep me around.
 
Well, after I arrived in Korea, this guy I had known all of my life (from the sandbox) liked me, but I didn’t know. He messaged me one day and from then on, we have been together (a year and five months). This hasn’t been an easy, ride, but we’ve managed to make it work. Like all relationships, they aren’t easy but they work when two people put forth the effort. So, that’s what we’ve been doing. I’ve been through so many heartaches and pain with the ex-boyfriend to the point where I don’t know if this relationship is real or not and I don’t know how to trust him or let him love me. How do I trust him? How do I let him love me? Because of my past, I am afraid to trust him and let my guard down. Rosie, I really want to, but being hurt so many times shattered me. He does absolutely nothing to hurt me and I know that he loves me, but my stubborn mind won’t let me trust him.

Sincerely

AirForce Girl

Dear Airforce Girl.

My girl, my girl, you are going to have to love you first! You are going to have to tell yourself that you deserve all things GOOD. I am going to teach you a wonderful exercise that I was taught in a seminar a while ago and I still do it to this day. But before I do that, I really need you to understand that you matter more than anything else.

When good things come to us and we aren’t ready or accepting, we have a way of messing them up because we think we only deserve crappy treatment. This is what you are going through at the moment; your ex was an idiot and still seems to be. He is a cheater, he is abusive and not respectful to the women he is in a relationship with – so why bother about this ugly ghost of your past? LET HIM GO! You may say to me: “Rosie, I have,” and I am saying you haven’t because you brought this fool into this new relationship and he is still messing you up.

You need individual counselling; then, when you get to a stable place of acceptance, then you and your boyfriend should have couples’ counselling. I feel as though you have a good and steady guy, someone who will work with you in order for you to grow to the next level. Sit down and explain your demons; let him know that you are going to look into helping yourself and hopefully he can support you through it.

Now, I need you to say this to yourself every day for the next 21 days – seven times in a row: “I deserve only the best that this life has to offer me, nothing else will do.” Set it on your phone to come up daily and keep saying it. There is something to be said about putting positive affirmations into the universe. I have my own affirmations and I’ve been doing this every day (even when I am down) and I have to say I see the world from a different perspective. So, I know you will get the help that you need and make a successful go with this relationship, leaving the toxic ghost of the past way behind you. Continued success!

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or

P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.