Dear Pastor
September 23, 2005
Fling with a friend causing me stress

Dear Pastor,

I am very upset about a situation that I got myself in and will really like to get your opinion.

Pastor, I had a fling with a friend of mine recently and now it is causing a lot of stress. He and I have been friends for a while and we are both involved with other people, and he is in fact thinking about getting married soon. {{more}}

We have always had a slight attraction for each other, but were never willing to take it any further than friendship even though many people thought we had something going on. But God and we know the truth.

Recently we were by him chatting about all kind of stuff and somewhere along the way we started talking about sex and sexual desires and so on. I don’t understand what happened, but before I caught myself we were kissing and then things start happening. We did not end up having sex but a lot of other things happened.

Now, I can’t watch him

in his face and things real uncomfortable and to be

honest I feel real bad. How can I make things right?

Feeling Guilty


Firstly when you said you don’t understand what happened I smiled, because what happened is that you lit a match in a room of escaping gas.

The attraction you and your friend have for each other in itself isn’t the problem, but when you take such feelings and put them in a volatile situation (discussing of sexual matters etc) then you are asking for trouble.

The fact that you said that you guys were not willing to take your relationship further indicates to me that you guys had discussed your feelings and so should have been aware of the need to be cautious, unless you took it for granted that is; thinking you can handle it.

What you guys did was wrong, but it could have been worse I guess if you guys had given in and gone all the way in this betrayal of your friendship and relationships.

I do hope it was guilt that stopped you guys in your tracks and not something else. Why? Because if it was because someone walked in or something like that then it wasn’t in your hands…it wasn’t really your choice. But if it was both of you, in the height of your “explorations” came to your senses then it augurs well for further testing because it says that your conscience is still working.

Anyway though, it has happened already and so the feeling of shame is natural and healthy and I hope this discomfort and guilt override whatever pleasure or fun you had and you take the difficult, narrow road of doing the right thing rather than following your feelings.

And of course you will not be in a house alone again with him discussing sexual desires right?

Pastor Jackson