Dear Pastor
July 15, 2005
Part-time boyfriend thinks I set him up

Dear Pastor Jackson,

I always read your articles and do enjoy the comments and advice that you give on a weekly basis. I am writing you to get your opinion on a situation that I recently had to deal with. I wish to find out if I did the right thing. {{more}}

Pastor, I was a real party girl and some would even say a bit wild, if you know what I mean. I had this off and on boyfriend that I have been dealing with for a few years now.

He lives abroad and usually comes home once or twice a year. Whenever he is around, we lime together until he leaves.

I recently decided to cool it a bit and started to go to church and things like that.

Although I am not a Christian yet, I am thinking about it. But for now I just want to stop the causal sex and partying and things like that.

The thing is that my friend said he was coming home for carnival and was planning for us to lime. I wanted to tell him that I am not doing those things again, but could not find the guts, so I just went along. But when I knew he was expected to come I took my holidays and went away. Now he is all upset, saying that I am a set up.

But I just didn’t know if I had the strength to resist him, and it is not as though he was coming just to see me that is why I did it. Was I wrong for not being straight with him?


Hi Confused,

Stop being confused, you were not wrong…absolutely not wrong. You hinted that he would have come anyway, so you did not waste his money. And he should have been capable of finding other “casual sex buddies” if he visited for carnival.

Yes, it would have been great if you had the strength to be bold about your newfound resolve. But hey, you made the start. Now you must find the strength to let all your friends, including that guy, know that you have turned a new page and have decided to pursue virtue, purity and common sense. I encourage you though to go all the way and give your life to the Lord. Because if you are to truly change you will need God to enable you and he is willing to do just that.

Do not feel guilty, you are on the right path my friend, and you might have saved your life, not just spiritually but even physically. This might have been the year you pay for your loose escapades, so give thanks to God.

As for your overseas ex-lover, he will get over it. And quite frankly, if he doesn’t, that’s his business. You did “the Joseph” what is that you ask? You ran from immorality rather that stand and try to fight it. Good for you, I wish you all the best.

Pastor Jackson