I don’t know if I would die by my own hands

Dear Rosie,

I’m a great fan of yours. I am a 15-year-old student in Form 5. Recently, I have tried lots of stunts in trying to kill myself. It is like nobody understands me. I just have this feeling of pain inside me, and I don’t know where it came from. I know someday I will have to die, but I don’t know if it would be by my hands.{{more}} I love my family, but sometimes it’s like they would rather me dead. Rosie, I’m tired of life, it sucks. Most times, I just sit by myself and cry.

Pain.

Dear Pain,

I want to let you know that you are NOT alone. I know you may not believe me, but I understand how you feel. I had some very difficult struggles as a teenager, from ages 11-16, and it was such a rough time for me. Those years weren’t very pretty for me, my friend. I knew I was different, misunderstood, and sometimes accused of things that I didn’t do. But the one thing I always felt was that God had a plan for me and I want you to know that you have a greater purpose here as well.

Some people reading this will not understand your inner pain, and I am actually getting a little emotional writing to you because I can remember feeling so alone and sad. Even though I had many people around me, I would still feel this way, so YOU ARE NOT ALONE, little sister, you are not. I’m pretty sure there are people who are reading this right now who are also nodding because of that painful part of their past. However, I know most will tell you that you can do this, and you will.

Now, what do we do? We need to get you help immediately, because trying to kill yourself is NOT the answer. I know there are many people who are willing to reach out to you, but you need to have a mantra in your head every moment of every day: “I matter and I am wonderfully made.” Whatever your challenge, I want you to remind yourself of this: Being a teenager isn’t easy. It would seem that you may never have a voice, or that your family wishes you ill will and they aren’t there for you, but I think you are wrong about that. Don’t tire of life, my love. There is so much to live for and achieve. One day you are going to soar and succeed. I know you will. But at this time, you need some serious counseling. Taking your own life is not an option, do you hear me? NOT AN OPTION.

Reach out to someone who you trust and who is in authority; a teacher, minister, older cousin, somebody, ask for the help you need. I also think you need a mentor and perhaps I can help you there with that. Nonetheless, you need to seek help immediately! Remember, you matter and you are wonderfully made. I am in your corner and very much pulling for you.

Much love and hugs,

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.