Was the ring to stop the nagging?

Hey Rosie,

Greetings to you, and I must say I read your column every week and think that it is my time to ask for your help.

My problem is I have been with my girlfriend for the last 9 1/2 years now.

We were not living together for the first four years, and everything was going well. She had no problem with me or anything I did.{{more}} When I met her, I had, as always, a lot of female friends because I can trust and talk to them when I want to and I won’t hear back anything I tell them.

The thing is Rosie, since we moved in together, the problems began. She is always accusing me of things I don’t know and always believes I have other women. She always thinks that when I come from work late I have been somewhere with a woman. If my phone rings, she says it’s a woman. I have no private life. I even went to the point of getting engaged to her to prove to her that I love her and there is

nothing going on between me and these female friends of mine. I wanted to get married to her for over three years now, but I don’t think I can get married to her if she is going to change. I am fed up with her accusing and judging me, so please tell me what I should do in this situation. I love this girl. I give her everything she wants and needs. I provide for her in every way I can, but I am just fed up.

Dear Just Fed Up,

You answered all your own questions. You are an intelligent young man who already knows the messy future that may lie ahead.

1. You said for the first four years all was well; you had female friends, and this wasn’t a problem until you both moved in together. Hmmm, well let’s see, she was on her best behavior and now that you are living together, she’s not feeling this “female friendship” business. If it was okay before, why the change? Did you do something? Or has she just realized they are women?

2. Okay, unto the next situation. So after accusing you of cheating when you work late, and if the phone rings with a female on the other end you have hell to pay. You then take it upon yourself to ask her to marry you? Really? Be serious for a moment, did you think it was a smart move when you were doing it? Or was the ring to stop the nagging? Either way this wasn’t good move.

3. Finally and most importantly, you are very unhappy. You can love her like baby loves milk, but if the milk has curdled it isn’t good for you. I haven’t heard a word about counseling via the church, or support group. There isn’t any real talk about you both having specific goals and plans to make this union work. I only heard the major phrase “fed up”.

I mean no disrespect to both of you. However, you had your answer before you wrote me. It isn’t a good setup at the moment and there is a lot of work to be done just to become respectful partners, much more husband and wife.

Believe me, sometimes you have to be harsh to be kind. Look within. You already know what to do.

Peace and Blessings to you both.

Rosie.

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.