The Trump Venezuela Disaster

Editor: We had a beautiful thing going-oil, sanctions, coups, you name it. Venezuela? We were gonna flip that place like a condo in Atlantic City. I said, “Let’s make regime change great again!” But the deep state? The Pentagon people? The CIA- very sneaky, very shady-they said,“Mr. President, let’s sink a few fishing boats. Get them real mad. Then when they shoot back? Boom! We go full MAGA- invade, take the oil, build a Trump Tower in Caracas. Tremendous view.”

But you know what happened?

They messed it up. They always mess it up. These are the same people who thought Iraq had WMDs- remember that? Total losers!

So we slapped ‘maximum pressure’ on Venezuela- I mean, ‘maximum’, okay? We froze their bank accounts, stole their oil, gave their gold to some guys who never won an election. We said, “You’re President now, Guaidó! You are President now, Machado!” The Venezuelan people didn’t vote for them- minor detail!

Then we waited. We said, “Any day now, they’ll collapse. Like a Biden press conference.” But no! They didn’t collapse. Venezuela said, “Screw this!” And guess what they did?
They called Russia. Russia! Can you believe it? I know Putin- very smart guy, very strong. Much smarter than our generals, believe me. And now guess what? Boom- missiles. Big ones. Hypersonic. The kind that make our Navy cry like Adam Kinzinger on TV.

And now we’re shocked? Shocked?!

We sank their boats, starved their people, stole their oil, tried to coup their government- and now we’re confused why they don’t like us? I mean, come on, folks. Even Eric wouldn’t fall for that. Maybe Don Jr. would, but not Eric. This was the plan, okay? The geniuses in Washington thought, “Let’s poke the Orinico Crocodile. Let’s poke the oil Orinoco Crocodile with a Russian missile in its back pocket!” And now we’re in trouble. Big trouble. Russian missiles 90 miles from Florida! It’s the Cuban Missile Crisis 2.0, but with worse haircuts!
But don’t worry-I have the solution.
It’s called: Stop being stupid. That’s it. Very simple. Maybe try talking to people before you try stealing their oil.

Maybe don’t bomb the fishing boats. Maybe don’t sanction hospitals. Maybe- and this is crazy- maybe let other countries run their own countries! But no, no, no.

The establishment says, “We are America! We decide who’s legitimate!” That’s like me walking into Chick-fil-A and saying, “I’m the manager now.” You’d get kicked out -unless you’re me.

So now, everything’s backward. Our Navy’s scared. Our influence? Fading. Our foreign policy? Written by people who couldn’t find Venezuela on a map if we tattooed it on their forehead.

And the worst part? They still think they’re winning! They call it “democracy promotion.” I call it “oops, we made another enemy.” Great job, Washington!

But don’t worry. We’ll fix it. We’ll bring back diplomacy. Not the weak kind. The Trump kind. The,“I’ll shake your hand and still get the oil” kind. The “No missiles near Miami or I tweet mean things at you” kind.

Because under Trump, we don’t do false flags. We do ‘real deals’. Beautiful, classy, gold-plated diplomacy. And nobody gets their boats sunk- unless they’re really, really asking for it.

Thank you! God Bless Venezuela-and God Bless America!
George Thomas