An Open Letter to Vin-foreign-tians coming home for Carnival

Dear All,

We know “the sun is hot”. We don’t need you to keep repeating it every few seconds. You’re not singing a song with that as the refrain (chorus for those of you who are nonplussed). FYI the sun is ALWAYS hot (Duh!).

“I don’t know how you people can live here”. Well we’re living here the same way you used to be living here except that the standard of living is much improved. And “you people?” Really? You do know by virtue of being born here you are included. Right? No fake (I mean foreign) accent nor passport can change that. So leave your condescension at JFK or wherever else you boarded the plane.

“I can’t buy anything here. Do you know how much I pay for this back home?” Yes we do. Not only do we have cable tv but some of us actually do internet shopping so we know how much it costs. Even if we can’t do internet shopping we do internet window shopping so either way we know the price. By the way why didn’t you just pack a barrel or two with all that you will need for your stay so that you won’t have to worry about the cost of products here. Or you can fast while you’re here. I doubt you’d be here for forty days and forty nights so give it a try…

“ Urgh! look what your mosquidoes are doing to my skin” First of all we don’t have mosquidoes here. They are mosquitoes same name as when you left, and secondly we don’t own them they are not our children. Thirdly believe it or not they do that to our skin too, you’re not that special for them to single you out. And last but not least why you didn’t bring some 99c insect repellent?

“Everybody expects to get something. Like they think I’m picking up money on the street? They just keep begging begging. Whether is snow or rain I have to go to work!” You mean the same everybody who goes all out to get the roast breadfruit, mangoes, guavas, you name it for you to eat while you’re here? Or the everybody who makes Sunday breakfast every morning for you? Or waits on you hand and foot while you lay back in the one chair nobody is allowed to sit in and if that ain’t bad enough like your feet too good to touch ground? Or the somebodies that give you the whole harvest of land and sea to take back? Definitely not those somebodies!

Karen Amanda

P.S. Decide before you land and finish your immigration form which accent you will be using for the duration of your visit and DO maintain it throughout. I will not suggest the high pitched supposedly accented grammatically flawed speech that seems to be so popular. It grates on our nerves. Remember we have tv so we’re exposed to the real thing if you can’t make it then don’t fake it.

You are no less Vin-foreign-tians if you speak like us.

P.P.S. Don’t be telling anybody how good they still look as if. You think we live in concentration camps? And yes we have one like that phone, bag, dress, whatever, we have one too. Actually ours is authentic. Is yours?