Toxic friends and knowing when to let go

What is a toxic friend? Toxic persons come in so many different shapes and sizes that sometimes, it’s hard to determine when someone is acting out or just being disruptive. However, there must be some determining factor that all toxic people have in common.

During my short time on earth, I’ve observed three distinctive characteristics of toxic people. The first is that they are hurtful to the people around them, due to their bad behaviour. The second characteristic is that they are repeat offenders and tend to engage in their hurtful activity multiple times, even when they know their actions are hurtful. Finally, they make no effort to get better or change their ways.

They are aware of how they negatively affect those around them, yet they don’t seem to have any real desire to improve. Moreover, they don’t seem interested in making the effort it takes to get better. They would rather just continue hurting those around them, than try to seek help.

A toxic person is like gangrene; the only way to help yourself is to cut out the infection, or in this case, the toxic person. It’s hard to lock off someone you love; ultimately it is a selfish decision. However, there is nothing wrong with being selfish. There is nothing wrong with choosing your mental and emotional health as priority, especially when dealing with a toxic person.

The hardest part about letting go is the guilt you feel. You feel like you’re abandoning them when they need you the most. However, this often leads to you enabling their bad behaviour. Ask yourself this, why would you get better if you knew someone would always stick around? They will simply continue with the mentality that they have “one more chance” before you finally leave, never expecting those chances to end.

Toxic people aren’t always monsters; sometimes a person might be great to others and horrible to you. It doesn’t mean they are evil; it just means they don’t belong in your life and that’s OK. The healthiest thing is always to forgive and move on. Forgetting hurt in my opinion, is almost impossible for human beings. You don’t have to forget hurt, in order to move on; if someone hurt you once, they are capable of doing it again and there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that.

Ultimately we have to remind ourselves that human beings can love deeply as easily as they can hurt. Sometimes, in our own twisted minds, we confuse abuse for love and tolerate more than we should. You are not selfish for choosing yourself in a toxic situation, and as soon as you let go of the guilt, you will heal. You are worthy of loving and deserve to be happy; always remember that. Perhaps one day they will come back into your life when they are healed and ready to love. Until then, you deserve to work on yourself and your happiness. Sometimes you just have to be selfish for your own sanity.