The few dollars, the ride and the sex are not worth our souls

Dear Rosie

First let me compliment you on a well done job. I am a 43 year old woman who is hurting deeply at this moment. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for the past 5 years and 5 months and we have a 4 year old daughter together. During this period I’ve experienced the good, the bad and the ugly. This man has a sick wife and during the 5 years and 5 months he also had about 10 other women besides me and I am serious, 10 other women some of which lives in villages close to each other. I broke off the relationship several times but he kept asking for another chance which I kept giving him. A woman whose marriage he helped to break up even fought me in Kingstown.

Just recently I caught him red-handedly with a married woman who I suspected he was having an affair with for the past 2 years. I told the woman about this man’s dirty and promiscuous lifestyle but that did not seem to deter her. She denied having an affair with him but yet a week after they went over seas for a night and a day.  This woman’s husband is in a top position in this country. She told him all that I said which made him very angry but my conscience is clear because I spoke the truth. Since then he has cursed me stinking which he is accustomed doing to women. He bad talks these women with each other and gives each one hurtful words to say to each other. I have been terribly verbally abused by some of these women. He is even neglecting our daughter which he claimed to have loved so much. This man and I live in the same area and I see and know all that he does.

He sneaks these women into his matrimonial home to sleep with his sick wife there and doesn’t care one bit what people say and how it looks. And knowing him, he hates to use condoms. He has a few dollars and vehicles and uses them to trap these women. I know one of them who apologized to me has come to her senses and moved on with her life. There is much more I can say but this medium in not appropriate. I tried to get him to live a decent life but it seem as though he is bent on living promiscuously.

Recently I have recommitted my life to the Lord and is happy to be out of that mess. I wish these other women would really wise up and get out of that mess. It hurts to know that some of us women allow ourselves to be used by such men. The few dollars, the ride and the sex does not worth our souls. I regret ever getting involved in such a relationship but I love and cherish my beautiful intelligent little girl. Life is too short to be living in such a manner and also knowing that we have to stand before Almighty God.

Awaiting your views, comments and advice.

Keep up the good work.

Deeply Hurt
 
Dear Deeply Hurt,

 Reading your letter this week was like reading a script to a Soap Opera.  As I re-read it I kept asking myself how true was this story?  However, I am not here to be a mind reader, but to try to be as open minded as possible and maybe sometimes shed a little light in a situation that can use it.  Today I think we may need some light.

Putting it plainly you got yourself caught up in a very deceptive and dysfunctional web, which came under the guise of a relationship.  From it even though it wasn’t the best set up you’ve been blessed with a little girl who should by no means pay the price of her parent’s indiscretions. The only redeeming thing in this very sordid mess is that it seems that you’ve left this man? I do hope that you saw the light there!

 Look, this is to you my friend and other women (and men) who think that it is acceptable to have an affair with a married person.  Please DON’T!  It is WRONG!  Plain and simple.  I don’t care how many feelings come into play, how much they say they are going to leave the other person, the fact that you may think this person is your soul mate (they are not) it is WRONG!  We are given the rules of life from very young.  Right from wrong and taking what isn’t yours is one of them.  So when things start to go horribly wrong there is truly no one to blame but yourself.  You are in charge of you.  You can say no.  I am taking this very strong position here because all too often we end up in these toxic, two-timing, abusive relationships and become confused.

 So going forward I say to you my friend do not look back.  Regarding this player’s other boatful of women let them keep sailing down the river of DENIAL.  As for his sick wife, may God give her the strength to do what’s right for her.  He is not worth me addressing.  Love yourself, continue to teach your daughter right from wrong and embrace only the good things that this life has to offer you.  There is no need to be hurt, rejoice because you are FREE!
 
Rosie