How do I tell my relatives that I don’t need their advice?

Hi Rosie,

I am told that I am brash and loud. This comes from mainly my older relatives, like my grandmother and her friends.  They keep saying , “why can’t you be more ladylike”?  I tell them all the time that I am going to be true to me and I shouldn’t have to change for them.  I love jeans, shorts, t-shirts and sneakers.  Look, I’m 23 and love riding bikes, going out for Karaoke with my friends on the weekends and having fun. Meanwhile, I’m told that if I don’t settle down with a nice guy and wear more dresses I will not get the right guy. I’m sick of it and would like to tell them to back off!  How can I let them know that I can do without their advice, Rosie?’

Pressure

Dear Pressure,

You know, I have to mostly side with you. Being true to oneself is very important and for that I am tipping my hat to you.   However, sometimes we have try to strike a balance of compromise with our loved ones – I think this is your dilemma at the moment.
This generational gap is very evident here and I get it – believe me! I’ve experienced something quite similar when I was younger and I was often misunderstood and scolded by many of my family members.  But it is important to know that it comes from a place of concern, some confusion and lack of tact too, because they have no idea how to bridge that generational gap.
Take a deep breath and do one of two things: you can ignore them and just smile.  Or you can respectfully explain to them that you truly appreciate them loving you enough to express their concerns, but you are not looking for a long-term relationship at this stage. You are a bright and thoughtful adult who is making her own way through this journey.
Differences will always emerge within families, relationships and even in our careers. How we handle these differences and still maintain a decent and respectful interaction truly becomes key to your success.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines