Should I take him back?

Hey Rosie,

I have been reading your advice for as long as I can remember and I think it’s fair to say I love your advice. I have been in a relationship with a boy two years older than me… I used to know him as just a face in the neighborhood where my aunt used to live, so when I finally added him on Facebook and we started talking and feelings developed, I was trilled. 

After a couple weeks, he told me he had always liked me, but never could tell me. We were together for about six months, but I must admit that it was not one of the best relationship I was in. We didn’t get to see each other much, because I am living in a different neighborhood. I go to school and he works some weird hours and I am currently out of a phone. My internet access is limited, so, like I said, not the best relationship.

We began getting distant and we weren’t having sex (thank God), although my friends thought it was weird. Eventually it grew distance and we have tried and tried. So, i decided to create another account online as a really pretty girl and started talking to him, he was completly clueless. I started asking him all sort of question on the fake account and I thought when I asked him about his girlfriend he would have said me, but to my surprise, he was in a one-month relationship out of the six months with a girl he was with in secondary school. So the same night I decided to talk to him as me since he was online, but he wouldn’t talk to me, instead he was talking to my fake account. So I decided to send him a message and to tell him take some time off from the relationship since it’s not going well, but I didn’t tell him the real reason I ended it.

Rosie, do you think I did the right thing? I can’t stop thinking about him. I love him and I think I love him too much, because I have been out of a relationshhip for two years and I have been praying to God to help me find a good person that doesn’t base a relationship mainly on sex, like every young boy my age is doing, so when he came along I was grateful.

I don’t completely blame him, because I wasn’t putting my all into it either, but a relationship is based on two persons, so I am blaming him too.

Please give me your advice as I am clueless. Do you think it’s worth a try getting back with him?

Confused
 
 Dear Confused,

You have created such a soap opera for yourself here with all this deception you started.  I understand that there were many circumstances that prevented you and your boyfriend from being able to hang out and date like a regular young couple, but you went about this in the wrong way. However, like you, I am so grateful that you didn’t sleep with him either, there is NOTHING weird about being cautious and waiting.  Believe me.

I don’t think that your boyfriend is a “BAD” guy, but I think he’s like most young men who would be flattered to have a PYT (pretty young thing) hit him up on his page. Don’t start a fire in the woods and then be surprised you started a Forest Fire that’s out of your control!  You should have spoken to him directly about your doubts with the relationship.

I understand how painful it was to find out that he didn’t say to you (the fake woman) that he was taken, that was hurtful I’m sure.  But you also played your hand knowing that this could have been the result. So now that you called it off you are second guessing yourself?   I think you may have to let this one go.  You are still in school; you can still be free to discover new friendships and relationships.  Remember life isn’t racing away from you. You can make your own choices without compromising yourself. 

You’ve learned two lessons; 1. Game playing is not the way.  Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.  2. Be true to yourself and never compromise who you are. Some choices are painful, but they end up being a blessing in disguise.  Be strong and remain focused on school and all of the great things that lie ahead of you.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines