My mom borrowed part of my mortgage money, now she wouldn’t pay back

Dear Rosie,

My mother borrowed some money from me. I told her that I would need it back before the month was up, because it was a part of my mortgage payment and I didn’t tell my husband that I did that.  Well it is now going into two months and she can’t give it back and I’m in the hole. I am juggling money around, stressing out and she doesn’t seem to be in a rush to pay me back! I never thought she would do this and I am getting really mad at her. How can I get my money back and not be disrespectful?

Very Hurt

Dear Very Hurt,

This is a sticky situation. We are dealing with a money issue, and bigger than that, we are dealing with your relationship with your mother. Truthfully, I really do feel for you because you are hiding things from your husband, juggling bills and still trying to deal with your mom and getting your money back.

Go to her, sit her down… In very calm and even tones explain that you really need your money back. Explain that you were happy to help her when she needed it, but you had already told her that you needed it over a month ago.  

Take a few breaths and wait for her response. If she can’t give it to you all at once, work out a payment plan or something like that. I would hate to see you break up your very important relationship with your mom over something like this.

But, guess what? Going forward, ONLY lend someone money if you CAN AFFORD to do so.  Also this wasn’t a good move hiding this from your husband… I understand why, but it was not a good move, because you are both partners in everything. So keep that in mind as you go forward.

I hope she responds in a positive, and also an apologetic manner. My friend we live and we learn – we are all flawed.

Rosie