I’m worried about how my ex’s upcoming marriage will affect our son

Hey Rosie,

I have a very strained relationship with my ex who is also the father of my teenage son. We were once very much in love and planning a future together, but it seems as though we just wanted different things and grew apart.

After some back and forth (custody and child support issues), we have had a decent time of coparenting our son.

Now, I am hearing that he is getting serious about his girlfriend of 18 months and they are hoping to get married next year. Rosie, I don’t know how I feel about this. I feel as though this is going to be a problem for how we communicate about our son, his relationship with his father and even child support.

This is his only child and he is a good father, so I am hoping he doesn’t do a 180º on us. Should I talk to him and risk one of our epic blow out fights? Or should I wait and see what happens?

In the Dark

Dear In the Dark,

Well, I think you are projecting your own fears into the atmosphere even before the man jumps the broom. Could it be that you are perhaps a little jealous that he is moving on after so many years and this makes you uncomfortable?

Listen, he has been a very good father – as per you. I am surprised that neither of you was snapped up before this and moved on with new relationships and families…. It’s almost as if you guys were waiting for the other to come around and just be a family. However, this didn’t happen and now the reality that he is about to start his own unit scares you.

Yes, I think you should reach out and ask him to meet you for a conversation about your concerns. Listen, try to be as neutral as possible and keep your personal anxieties at bay. Talk about sharing the roles, as you have been doing and ask him how he sees his future wife playing a part in your son’s life. Set the boundaries and also your expectations for a seamless transition into this new dynamic. I would also leave the door open, so if there is an issue, both of you can be mature enough to handle it without dragging your son into your drama.

You are almost through the pivotal period of parenting. Very soon he will be off to college, graduating and starting his own life. Take a few deep breaths, step back and know that BOTH of you can continue to keep your son’s interest as your primary goal. Good luck, my friend.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines.