My dad’s new wife has him walking on eggshells

Hey Rosie,

So, I had a very nasty exchange with my father’s new wife. My dad remarried after my mother died about three years ago. We were a tight family, always fun-loving, respectful and we could openly communicate with both parents; I have two younger brothers and one older sister. My sister lives in another state and is married; one of my younger brothers, in his early 20s, still lives at home with my dad and his new wife and my other brother lives on his own. The problem is we are always in some sort of conflict with this woman. If we call, she doesn’t give messages; she fusses if he talks to us on the phone, or if we hang out with him. She is giving my dad a lot of pressure to kick my younger brother out of the house. Meanwhile, two of her kids have moved in with their kids!

I know you are going to say that I should give her a chance and try to work it out, but I feel as though she doesn’t want to have us around, only her family. Now, when we go home, it is very uncomfortable. She has gotten rid of many treasures from my mom and dad’s life and I am upset. She could have asked us if we would have liked to take them. Meanwhile, my dad looks like he is walking on eggshells.

I am mad

Hello I am mad,

I can tell! I also see that this transition did not go well at all. I sort of blame your father for not setting the ground rules by which both sides could be respectful to each other. You see, you don’t have to like each other, but you should be at least respectful!

So, as an adult child, you will have to learn to respect your father’s choice of whom he has for a wife. Granted, she will never fill the shoes of your departed mother and this is understandable … but did you give this lady a chance in the beginning, or was it a power play from jump?

She also has to learn to extend the olive branch as well, because it is better to have peace than this type of tension. It would be good if she can also call a truce and reset this union of both sides of the family… if this does happen, put down the pick axes and be open to her gestures of openness.

Finally, ask your dad to help broker a deal for a meeting between both sides. Game rules should be set up in terms of respect and giving everyone a chance to peacefully express their opinions. Only he can do this at this point; he is the head of the house.

I do hope some sort of positive change will come out of this mess. Good luck, and be open to any positive movements towards a truce.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines