My fiance’ is a control freak; I want out of my engagement!

Hey Rosie,

I think I would like to call off my engagement to my fiancé. We are getting married next year April in the Caribbean and both sides of the family are travelling down to be a part of the big event. We are both only children of our parents and everyone is excited.

We have been dating since the first year of college. Both of us are of Caribbean descent, both moms get along great, but I am now realizing that my boyfriend is selfish, spoilt and is accustomed to having everything done for him. His family is pretty well off and they give him everything! When we get into a disagreement, he throws a tantrum and gives me the silent treatment as if he’s a kid. He is so involved in every detail of the wedding, down to my flowers matching exactly to his bow tie – it makes me want to scream!

My fiancé wants to sign off on all the details; it’s even driving our wedding planner crazy. We are going to start pre-marital counselling and he is upset that we aren’t going to his pastor, because he’s known him all his life. I put my foot down, because I think we need a neutral party to bring some clarity here.

My mom knows that I am not happy with the way things are going between us and is encouraging us to seek help. But I think that this isn’t going to work out and I would like to back out now before we tie the knot. What should I do, Rosie?

I am freaking out!

Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet,

Wow, your feet aren’t cold; they sound like they are freezing to me! If you are having this much doubt, I think you really need to sit your fiancé down ASAP and have a heart to heart about how you are feeling at this moment.

To go through all of this money and time, knowing that you are planning such a life-changing event and yet there is so much doubt, is not good at all. I would like to suggest that you seek your own counselling to air out your own issues. Please remember, as only children, you BOTH would have your own traits of selfishness. You really didn’t have to compromise and negotiate with your siblings every day. So, now you have to share the spotlight and decisions with your soon-to-be other half, this it is proving very difficult for you.

So, seeing he seems to be getting away with what you think is murder and throwing his weight around, it may be a bit much for you to handle. Please know if you don’t marry him and you get with someone else later one day, you will still have to compromise in that relationship. Let me say he does seem a little over the top (based on what you’ve said). He seems to be VERY much into this planning etc. But I am going to encourage individual and couple’s counselling before the wedding. Thankfully it’s a year away and there is enough time for both of you to decide what you are going to do next.

Don’t make a rash move just yet. Try to talk it out and see if you can’t come to a new level of understanding and compromise in how you communicate with each other going forward. I really do wish you both the very best. Please let me know what happens.

Rosie