My best friend doesn’t know I have been seeing her ex

Hey Rosie,

I have a secret that I am keeping from my best friend. I have been seeing her ex for the last seven months. She has not been with him for over a year, so I was not the reason why they broke up, but we were all friends for many years and their break-up was very bad. He cheated on her with a girl we all knew. So, it was an unspoken code that we were not to be friendly with him at all. But he and I are in touch via social media and we would hook up and see each other quite often. It has now become very serious and we want to make our relationship public, but I am afraid.{{more}} He says if she was a true friend, she would understand. I don’t think that she will, Rosie. In fact, even though she is with another guy for a while now and is happy, I think she will think that I betrayed her. What do you think? I really am into this guy and vice versa.

Help!

Dear Help!

Well, you are definitely in a pickle at the moment. The main reason you are having this issue, and I think you know this already, is because you hid it from her.

Listen, we know that even if you had come clean to her from day one and mentioned that you and her ex were in communication and you can feel a mutual attraction happening, she would not have taken the news well.

Dating a friend’s ex can get ugly and a little murky; even if the couple has called it quits, there will always be that “connection,” good or bad, between them. Then, there will be the issue of did that person always like my ex when we were together? Can I trust them ever again? How long has this really been going on? These types of questions can go on and on. I am not saying that you did any of these things, but I am stating many of the obstacles you may have to get past in order to salvage your relationship with your friend and this is not a guarantee that she will get over it either.

Please weigh your options very clearly; he cheated on her, so he could do the same to you, right? Would you say his positive qualities outweigh the potential of losing your friend? Do you see this being a long-term relationship? Did you and your boyfriend sit down and discuss the potential fallout in your social circle when you go public and do you have a plan to face the music? These are just some of my thoughts. However, I actually do wish you both the best on all counts. Hopefully, she will be able to get past it eventually.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at:

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Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines