My husband is lazy and doesn’t want to look for a job

Hey Rosie,

My husband has been out of work for nearly a year now. At first he was actively looking for work, sending resumés, following up leads and making a true effort to find work. Then after a couple of months he stopped. He lost his motivation – he does nothing. He barely helps with our two kids now. So I am very upset. I have a full time job and I work overtime to try and cover our bills. I come home after work and still have to do homework with our children and put them to bed!{{more}}

Rosie I’m fed up! I’ve talked to him many times and it hasn’t made much difference. We hardly talk to each other anymore, plus we are no longer having sex. I think this is going to destroy our marriage and I don’t know what to do.

Help me.

Dear Help me,

Wow, this is difficult to hear. I can feel your frustration through this letter. However, I think that your husband is highly depressed and discouraged. So he now has no motivation to continue his job search, which is not helping your relationship.

I have to commend you that even though your plate is so full with all of your responsibilities of work, bills and the children, you still have some obvious compassion for your husband’s frame of mind.

What to do? Well, you guys definitely need some immediate marriage counseling. If he doesn’t want to go, you need to still go and talk to someone, vent and also come up with a plan that you can work with to improve your quality of life.

I would also go to him one more time and lay it out to him that you are at your breaking point. You realize that he’s in a bad place and you are willing to work with him, but he needs to meet you half way. Then the ball is in his court.

You both can turn the corner with this struggle, but you BOTH have to be involved. So take the time and try to work this hurdle out. If he doesn’t join in, you need to take care of yourself. I wish you both the very best.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

PO Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines