Is he really my son?

Hey Rosie,

I am having a problem that I am struggling with. I work on a cruise ship for many months during the year to provide for my wife and family at home. The thing is I have this nagging doubt in my head about if my middle child is mine, Rosie. I have three boys aged 9.5, 5 and 3, but the five-year-old doesn’t look like me or my family at all. In fact, he barely looks like my wife either. {{more}}Also, it was kind of close to the time after I left that she told me she was pregnant. Some of my family members asked me questions behind her back and I am embarrassed, but I tell them to shut up and leave me alone. Once I brought it up to my wife and she said that she couldn’t believe that I would say this. So, I let it go. I love my boys, Rosie, but this is bothering me. Should I have him tested, or let it go? At the end of the day he is my son like the others, so I am confused.

Am I the father?

Dear Am I the father?

Well, this one is a real pickle for me to answer. I am not a DNA expert, nor do I feel fit to tell you what to do. You obviously love this little boy and consider him your son. It would seem that you love your wife as well. Were there rumours of her cheating? Do you think you know who the father may be? Or is this all speculation at this point?

You do know that sometimes a child can come out looking completely different from other members of his/her family and this can be a throwback from generations before, right? This may be the case with your son as well. However, you have to think long and hard if you want to open this can of worms. If your marriage is doing decently enough and you think that you can move on from this “cloud” over you, then maybe you should explore that.

But if this is something that you can’t get past and for whatever reason it’s bothering you, I would sit down again with your wife and discuss it with her. If anything, go to a counsellor to hash it out. There may be other issues that are hidden that may need to be addressed and it’s being masked by your son’s paternity questions.

Whatever it is, remember do not make a rash decision without looking at ALL angles please. You said it best: “At the end of the day he is my son”. Keep that in mind, no matter what you do. DNA doesn’t change whom you love and who loves you back. Good luck!

Rosie