I always find myself in abusive relationships; I want true love

Hey Rosie,

I have been in a few horrible long-term relationships and I’ve had children with these men. I am now in my late 40s and I feel as though I’ve wasted my life with these men and have nothing to show for it, except my children.{{more}}

Rosie, they ALL have been abusive, some more than others, causing my family to ask me why do I keep choosing these men and why do I stay? The last relationship was so controlling that I had to call my sister and leave him in the middle of the night, because he got so mad and paranoid, he started to choke me.

When my kids talk to me, and they range in age from seven to 26, they think I was dumb too. I feel like crap, Rosie, now I have another restraining order against this man, living with my sister until I can find a place and I feel so ashamed of my situation. Is it ever going to be my turn to find true love and Mr Right? I am so tired of this bad treatment in my life. I feel I deserve much better.

Hurt

Dear Hurt,

You are right about the last thing that you said; you deserve MUCH better in your life. No one should have to go through this cycle of drama and abuse ever, but guess what? It all begins and ends with YOU.

No matter how horrible these men are, the one thing to keep in mind is that YOU are the common factor in these relationships. Unfortunately, it seems that every time you decide to move forward, you keep picking the same man with a different name. There must be something about the “Bad Boy” image that does it for you. But, as you rightly said, at the end of the day this becomes tiring and actually downright dangerous.

You have to quickly get into therapy. You should find a therapist who would help you discover what is at the root of you picking this type of man, after which you should then take the steps to rebuild your self-confidence and worth about what you are willing to accept in this life.

Remember not only must you fix you first, you have to believe in you as well. Then, when that starts kicking in, no one can come and serve up any sort of mediocre offers to you at all. Also keep in mind that your children are watching how you handle yourself as well. I really do wish you lots of courage and strength to sustain all of the trials ahead. But I wouldn’t go looking to jump into another relationship for a while, until you have worked on you. All the best!

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

PO Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines