Torn between two lovers; which one should I choose?

Hey Rosie,

I am a 20-year-old mother, stuck between two persons I love. I need help, I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship over six years now. After college, we decided to have a baby. We now have a beautiful baby girl together, but my problem is ever since I had her, my boyfriend slightly changed and it hurts me.{{more}}

While I was pregnant with his kid, he was flirting around with other females. I sat one day and I told him how I felt, but he keeps telling me he’s not doing it and he loves me. He doesn’t show me off like he used to; he doesn’t brag on me like he did; he acts as if he doesn’t care and sometimes I even feel like he doesn’t want me.

So, Rosie, a few months back, I started to talk to this guy I used to talk to in the past. I love this other guy, because he treats me like I want a guy to treat me. He loves me a lot; he cares about me and he puts a smile on my face at times when my boyfriend don’t.

But this is my problem: my boyfriend finally seems to have realized that he doesn’t want to lose me and he wants our relationship to work, so we talked about it and I told him I’ll give it a try and now he starts acting like he’s actually changing.

But the problem is, I’m stuck between two guys whom I love and at the same time I don’t want to lose, but I have to choose one. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me a lot; my mom loves him too and she took him as her son-in-law already, but he doesn’t treat me right at times and the flirting issue with him gets overbearing at times. But, on the other hand, I love this other guy; there is no sexual contact between us; but he treats me like I want to be treated and he has so many plans if I stick around. He doesn’t want me to leave; he even threatens me that if I leave what he will do to me. But I love my baby daddy, who’s now acting like he’s changing; will he change completely? Should I stay with him? Or should I just continue talking to this other guy who treats me right? Please help, Rosie.

Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck in the Middle,

I am going to get to the point about your love triangle – it is not good; this is what this is and it is VERY dangerous!

Look, my advice is that you are playing with fire. I know you can use the argument that your boyfriend deserves a dose of his own medicine, but this does not work! In fact, it can backfire on you and I think it already has. If you were not happy with how your baby’s father was treating you, you should have ended it completely before seeing this other guy. Now you have two men who are pulling you in two different directions.

I think you should actually walk away from both of them. You should allow your child’s father to interact with his daughter, but I think you need the space to come into your own as an independent young woman who is focused on raising her baby, settling into her career and possibly furthering her education. I am also very uncomfortable with your other boyfriend threatening you? Really? Who needs this type of drama? You couldn’t be sleeping well at night, because you have so much juggling and personal issues on both ends. How can this be good for you and your baby?

My advice is to step away from both of them. Let them both know you need a break to clear your head and figure out what you are going to do. More than likely, if you stick to your guns and go speak to a counsellor about your inner conflicts, you may be able to see down the road if one of them may be for you or it might be neither.

Look, at the end of the day, this is your call, but remember this is a dangerous game you are playing and you can very well get hurt. So, think hard about what you are doing and then move forward. Become unstuck my friend, because you hold the power.

Rosie