‘I feel like I am in prison’

Hey Rosie,

First of all, let me commend you for your great work. I find your articles very helpful and interesting. However, I found myself in a situation and really need your advice.

I am 19 years old and I have been in a relationship with this guy for two years and some months now. During these times, he manipulated me in such a way that I was restricted from a majority of my friends, either by not talking to them anymore or not spending time with them.{{more}} I cant go anywhere! IT’S LIKE I’M IN PRISON!

On the other hand, he wants to hang out as long as he wants with his female friends, go all over with them and I shouldn’t say anything. I’m tired of being treated this way, because every time I open my mouth, he always says that society has males different to females and he’s the man and all kinds of garbage.

One night, he went by one of his friends, because it was her birthday (mind you, he always goes over there and spends five to six hours and sometimes he’s the only guy there and he wants me to be ‘okay’ with it). So, they got drunk. I honestly don’t know what time he came home, because I didn’t hear from him until the next day. He wanted to talk like everything was cool, so I got mad and I argued with him. He got so mad, he was calling me insecure and deleted all our pictures on Facebook and just left (this is just ONE of the scenes that went down).

I really love him, but I cannot be treated this way. No matter how hard I try to leave, there’s something that is holding me back. I really need your help, Rosie.

Hello My Dear,

You hit the nail on the head when you said “I cannot be treated this way.” Please, please keep that in mind when you are sitting on the fence about forgiving your boyfriend for his very poor behaviour, negative actions towards you and above it all, his very disrespectful attitude about the relationship and roles between men and women. All of these should be taken under very careful consideration.

You are 19 years old, girl, 19! Why are you putting up with this type of guy to begin with? You sound like a very intelligent young lady whose gut has been letting her know that this relationship is not necessarily the right one for you. Maybe you should let him go along his merry way. ALWAYS listen to your inner voice. It will NEVER lead you astray when it comes to these issues of the heart.

I know no matter what people or I will tell you, this decision is going to be yours at the end of the day. I know you will have to go through all of the motions in order to make your final move when coming to this relationship. But please remember that you are worth so much more than this drama. Remember that you are very, very young and will have so many more positive experiences ahead of you that maybe would make it worthwhile to say, “goodbye” to this relationship. Always remember that when something causes you more pain than happiness, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it at all.

Good luck.

Rosie