It seems like my newly-wed husband is cheating on me

Hey Rosie,

I am a newly-wed. I love my husband so much, but it seems that he is cheating on me. He told me he is faithful, but I don’t believe him. I found messages on his phone, telling women how he loves them, and that he finds they are sexy, and sending his phone number to them. Even though I found the messages, he still denies it.{{more}} Rosie, I know he loves me, because he treats me like a queen, but I don’t know. I even pretended that I was him and messaged one of these women, and I don’t like what I found out. Please, I just got married; how would it look to be divorcing?

SOS

Dear SOS,

I can imagine how you are feeling right now – very betrayed and hurt! To be a newly-wed and obviously in love, this isn’t the type of drama you deserve at all.

I have a question for you, though? Did you not see these signs before you said, “I do”? I find it hard to believe this came out of left field without you seeing this trait in him before. You may have turned a blind eye in the past, hoping he would change. That never happens; just letting you know that.

Anyway, what to do now? Well, my girl, have you asked him to go to counselling so he can hear how this is causing you pain? Notice, I’m not talking about his cheating, because I don’t think he’s ready to admit that at the moment. He is good with the status quo.

We, unfortunately, live in a society where many married women know that their husbands are sleeping around, but they stay for the children, or because the men treat them well. Sometimes it could even be a financial situation as well. I am not judging, because in marriages we have to deal with many challenges. But you have to decide if this is something that you are going to deal with head on, or if you are willing to turn a blind eye on it.

I hope whatever decision you make, be it counselling, personal self searching or leaving it, brings you peace. You are responsible for your happiness, no one else. I wish you both all the best and also clarity on your next steps in this very young union. It can be very successful if both parties are honest and are willing to work at it!

Rosie