Is my girlfriend going through mid-life crisis?

Hey Rosie,

I am a professional and educated man who is in his mid 30’s and my problem is that my woman and I are in a bad place where I think we are going to end this relationship after 15 years. We have one child, a home and great careers. But because we started out early in life, I think she may be having her early mid-life crisis. We were supposed to get married two years ago, but every weekend she’s running the streets with her girls; she’s in bars/clubs and I’ve heard through the grapevine that she’s hooked up for the last year or so with another dude.{{more}} Rosie, I’ve made many sacrifices for this relationship and our child. I wanted my child to have a stable foundation, so that’s why I worked hard and put myself through school in order to create a stable setting for us all. But my girl says that I was neglectful and I am not sensitive to her needs? What about my needs, Rosie? I’ve worked hard so we could live in a good area and have the things that we struggled for. Now she’s talking about moving out to “find herself”! Really? I feel as though I should just let her go for good and co-parent our child from different households. However, I do love her, even though I know she’s out there doing her dirt. I can also go out and do mine too, but I am thinking about my kid too. Should I just end it, Rosie? Maybe we have come to our natural end?

Help Me

Dear Help Me,

I can really hear the frustration in your letter. Many times we hear this coming from a woman, but you are showing us that men are many times emotionally vested in their relationships as well. Yes, 15 years is such a long time to be with someone and it’s very difficult just to end it.

So, I do agree you have some very big decisions to make; you will have to come to terms with where your life is taking you and see if there is any way of salvaging this relationship. You didn’t say if you had confronted your girlfriend about her possible infidelity? Either which way, this is a big hurdle for both of you to work through and get past; pretending that this may not have happened is not going to help your situation at all. Also, you said that she finds you insensitive – is that true? I agree that you have worked very hard to accomplish all of these major milestones, but in your quest did you lash out, maybe sometimes unfairly to her due to your plate being so full? Another one of those “real” questions you have to ask yourself. Then, why did you wait so long to get married? Sometimes women begin to feel neglected and resentful when they are with a man like this for so long. There are so many factors that I am seeing here that have gone unresolved for a while and now it is all coming to a head, it seems.

At the end of the day, YOU have to decide if you want to be in this relationship. She has also suggested that she wants to move out and that’s HER choice as well. So, you both should come together in a mature fashion and talk about this relationship, if it can be saved or not. You need to discuss why you guys may want to stay (if that is the answer) and most importantly find a good counsellor quick, fast and in a hurry to help you resolve many of these difficulties. Good luck to the both of you; I wish you both peace.

Rosie

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