My husband still wants to live with his mother

Hey Rosie,

I am so unhappy right now, I can scream! I am a 28-year-old married woman with three children, all under five. My husband and I have been living in his mother’s basement for the last six years and we have a small two-bedroom apartment and it is too small. Rosie, we both work two jobs and have been saving for years to get a place.{{more}} We do pay rent here, but it’s not a lot. However, I think my husband doesn’t want to leave the house because he will miss his mother. She feeds him, she would iron his clothes and take his side when we have a disagreement, just to mention a few things We have enough money for a down payment to get ourselves a home. I keep asking him when can we move from this cramped space and he says that “we” are not ready. Well, I know “I” am ready and I may be ready to leave without him. What should I do, Rosie?

Have to go

Dear Have to go,

Well, I hear you and feel your pain. It must be frustrating to raise a family of five in a small space, in addition to raising a family in the house of your mother-in-law, who is obviously a little too close for comfort. Poor you.

First off, try to remain calm. Getting yourself worked up will really not help you at all; you will have to sit and calm yourself down for a bit, then approach your husband in terms of how serious you are. I know there is a serious bond between a mother and son (I am thinking about “Everybody Loves Raymond”), but there comes a time when a man will have to make big decisions about his future and I think your husband’s time is here.

Screaming and fighting will not work. You may very well have to get a neutral third party involved – maybe an older family friend whom both of you respect, to talk this through. You may want to negotiate a certain time frame if he is insistent that you are both are not ready, so when the time comes around, there should be no excuses. You may also want to talk to him and remind him that there are great incentives and tax breaks on becoming homeowners, in addition to gaining the space that the family desperately needs.

I know you are frustrated, but he is simply afraid to make this major step. But with some negotiations and a little intervention, I think you guys will be OK. Good luck, my friend, no need to kick over the bucket of milk; hubby will get on board soon.

Rosie

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