Hurting deep down inside

Hey Rosie,

I’m hurting deep down inside and don’t know what to do. I’m 24 years of age, with three children, and I’m in a relationship with a guy 43 years of age, who has two children.

We have been together for one year, six months and are living together. Everything was going well until someone asked him if I was pregnant. He asked me; I told him I don’t know as yet. He then decided if I was pregnant, I needed to get rid of it. I told him no, although we had both agreed on not having children now.{{more}}

Now, everything is changing; he wouldn’t talk to me and when he feels like, he would sleep on the same bed with me. I’m tired of this. I want us to go back to how things were. What should I do?

Help

Dear Help,

This is a major dilemma; you are both dealing with a very sensitive subject regarding the potential right to human life. At 24 and 43, you are adults and this should have been discussed at length; the fact is that you did not want anymore children, so that both of you should have actively tried to prevent this from happening.

I know it is very hurtful to have your partner change his attitude towards you like this, especially as you both are in a live-in and seemingly committed relationship. I also have to say that your partner’s actions are very immature for a 43-year-old man. When a couple decides to be together, they are basically pledging to work through the good and the bad trials that come their way. I do hope that he can quickly come to the realization that you are both stronger together than apart.

Now, at the time that you wrote me, you weren’t sure if you were pregnant or not; it was just pure speculation. My thoughts are: if you are not pregnant, and you both do not wish any more children at this time, then you should actively work towards making sure that you are using preventative actions not to become pregnant. However, if you are pregnant, you and your partner will have to quickly get on the same page. It makes no sense to be bitter and fighting each other regarding what choices you will make about this baby. It is not my place to say if you should keep your child. I believe that a woman has the right to choose.

Please get some neutral and sound counselling as you go through this rough patch, (maybe help from a pastor or someone like that?) I really do hope that both of you will work as a unit to make the best decision for your family. I am really wishing you the very best and I am sending you positive vibes.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152,

Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines