I was raped by my cousin’s boyfriend

Hey Rosie,

I read your articles every week and they are very uplifting, especially for the young people. Please continue the good work.

Here’s my situation. I was raped by my cousin’s boyfriend, which took a downfall on me. I tried to move on, but I took a step in the wrong direction and ended up in an abusive relationship.{{more}} I got the courage and walked out, vowing that I would never love again, but love hit me again and he’s everything I want in a man, but because of the trauma I suffered, I cheated on him. We worked it out last year I got pregnant for my fiancé, but earlier this year I lost the baby, which was another emotional wreck. What hit me harder though, is that the same day he was comforting me, he cheated on me. It hurts, because that’s the day I needed him the most and he was there part of it. I love him so much that I’ve forgiven him and we’re trying to work things out, but deep inside I feel like if I had never lost our baby that wouldn’t have happened. I don’t know what to do.

Going Mad

Dear Going Mad,

Well, I have to say that your emotional cup runneth over! You are a very, very strong young woman – someone that I would refer to as a SURVIVOR. If it is the only thing that you take away today is that you will continue to grow and overcome many of these very difficult life experiences and, in fact, soar very high too.

I am so sorry to hear about the rape, the abusive ex, the loss of the baby and your fiancé’s cheating. This is a heavy load to bare. My question, especially after the rape and the abuse; did you seek any type of counselling? If you didn’t, it is so very important that you do still seek help, because you need to work through all of these very traumatic events.

Now, dealing with your fiancé and his cheating; this is deep, because, as you said, he’s a good guy who happened to mess up royally when you needed him the most. You and only you can decide if you can truly forgive him. We all will make mistakes and if we are really sincere in our regrets we can work together to build the broken trust. Counselling comes to mind here again – you will BOTH need intensive therapy to rebuild the trust and respect that has been compromised.

If you aren’t being abused and you feel safe around him, then take all of that under consideration when making your decision. No matter what you decide, please keep in mind that you ARE a strong young lady who is here for a great purpose. Never give up, because the promise of tomorrow shines brightly in your favour.

I wish you peace of mind and healing.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines.