I think I made a mistake over which boyfriend I chose. What should I do?

Hey Rosie,

First of all let me commend you for your great work. I find your articles very helpful and interesting. However, I found myself in a really tight spot.{{more}}

I am a 17-year-old female and I have been in a relationship with a young man for two years plus. Late last year, I saw this guy and we started talking and as time went by, I found myself cheating on my boyfriend. About a month later, he found out and I had to choose between them. I choose the second one; honestly, I don’t know why I chose him, because the first guy was a nice guy; he is very intelligent and all his sisters and brothers, plus his parents are Christians; therefore, he was brought up like a real gentleman. I could tell he really loved me. When he found out, he didn’t call me any sort of names such as bitch or slut; he called and cried saying how much he loved me and he could look past what happened and so on. Even though I chose the second guy, my mind would always be on the first; I would always try talking to him, because he was my first love. I just didn’t know why I cheated.

The second guy is also brought up in a Christian home and he is also intelligent; however, he moves like a thug sometimes and recently he moved like he is the “boss” in the relationship, so whatever he says goes. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t love or care about me at all. He can’t hold a conversation online and in person it’s always about his career and nothing else.

Lately, I am thinking about going back to my first boyfriend because I’m not happy with the second. I’m really confused about it, because I feel like my mind would always be on what I did to him. Up to this day, he didn’t search around for a girl. I really don’t want to make the wrong decision that’s why I need your advice. Thank you in advance.

Need help

Dear Need Help,

Let me help you right away, just stop and take a breather from both of these young men. The drama in this situation is causing you a lot of anxiety, guilt and confusion; let me tell you why.

You see at 17, you should be going out on dates, not be in these serious and committed relationships. It is through dating that you can casually learn about the opposite sex without all of the baggage of an intense relationship, commitment and the messiness of sex as well. When I tell you that the guys you think are hot now will be not hot later, this is a big fact. Now, with all of this emotional back and forth between the good guy and the bad boy, this has got to stop as well.

Yes, I do agree you made a mistake by cheating on your first boyfriend, but that goes back to my point that you are too young to be locked into a serious relationship at this time. Now, in terms of the second guy, you are also very perceptive to see that he isn’t really there to be in a serious or committed relationship either, so taking your cue from him, just step back and take care of you first.

I understand that you would like me to suggest one or the other, but I can’t. I would really like you to take the time to take care of YOU for a while and your emotional state of mind. No one can dictate what you do in this life, but I do hope that you realize that I am suggesting that you step away from both of these guys, try and focus on you, your future, school and your mental happiness. Once you see you really do bring so much to the table – you will have a much clearer view about this life and what path you should take. So, I am sending you a “HUG” and I am letting you know that it will be okay; just take your time and take care of you for a change.

Rosie