He wants to marry me, but doesn’t support me financially

Hey Rosie,

I met this guy five years ago when I was 22 years old, while he’s nine years older. He’s so spiritual and humble, though not financially okay.{{more}}

Now, there’s a guy who loves me and has proposed against next year too. Whenever I remember how this guy treated me despite my state, I feel hatred for me. I’m planning to marry the second guy as soon as he’s ready. Please, dear Rosie, advise me.

Confused

Dear Confused,

My dear I have to congratulate you on your ambition and drive. You are obviously someone who has serious goals and will go very far in this life. I am asking you to very carefully assess both men who are around you.

To be truthful, the first gentleman doesn’t seem like a go getter and someone who you can grow with and set a strong foundation with. It seems as though he is looking at your drive and just expects to fall into place when it comes to you taking care of him — much like you take care of your family. This is NOT what any career woman wants — a man who has no drive and who isn’t willing to work with her.

Now, this new guy, I really don’t know how long you have known him, but he sounds like he has more promise and potential. My thing is, why are you in such a hurry to marry at this young age? I think you should sit down with this other man and find out what goals and aspirations he has for himself and, of course, both of you as a couple.

Does he want to travel, maybe buy a house, or maybe go back to school to further the education of you both? How many children does he want? How about your religious views? How are you going to pool your finances? These are very important questions; sometimes the answers to these questions make it clear if this IS or IS NOT the person that you should be with.

So, personally, I would leave the first guy alone, based on what you said. I don’t think you even like him (that’s how it comes off). But I would also make sure that the second man is worth your time or maybe you should take your time to see what direction your life is heading in. I wish you the very best with your decisions.

Rosie