I found my boyfriend and best friend on the couch – Student

Dear Rosie,

I have enjoyed reading your articles and look forward to reading it every weekend in SEARCHLIGHT, but like others, I have a problem of my own.

I am a 20-year-old second-year student at the St Vincent Community College, and I am in a relationship with this guy who is four years older than me. We have been dating for two years now, but it feels like forever.{{more}}

There is, however, one big issue — and that is trust. Rosie, I used to trust him, but now he seems to be fading away and withdrawing from me. Just recently, I introduced him to my best friend and that is where the problem began. It seems like they are going out, because she hardly speaks to me, and when I bring up his name she quickly changes the subject.

Just last week, I got the shock of my life. I wanted to surprise him, because it was his birthday, so I went by his house to visit him and give him his birthday present, only to behold him and my best friend on the couch — and you can just guess what they were doing. Oh my gosh, I got so angry that I actually jumped on them and started to hit both of them. I can’t remember what happened next, because, when I woke up, I was in the hospital. It seems as though I fainted while I was beating them.

Rosie, I have a high and quick temper. I went to a few anger management classes at my church, but it seems as though the more I get upset, I want to just strangle them both to let them feel how I feel. Only the idea of me being in jail is what is stopping me.

My boyfriend and my best friend are now asking for forgiveness, which I refuse to do, and now he wants me back.

Confused and Hurt.

Dear Confused and Hurt,

Oh my goodness and WOW! You aren’t kidding about your anger issue, you worked your poor self up, not only to beat them, but you also fainted from this excitement! Well now! This should let you know that this is NOT the way to go.

If at this young age of 20 you have this level of anger, then this isn’t good to transition into adulthood, believe me! So, we have to shift some gears here. First of all, he wasn’t your husband, he was a boyfriend. No disrespect, but you never hand over that kind of emotional power to anyone, ever. You have to be confident in you and not live for people of little substance. If he was easily swayed by your best friend, then neither of them were really who they seemed to be, to begin with. Consider it a situation of “wolves in sheep’s clothing”…they revealed their real side by this terrible betrayal; and to that you simply say, “thank you” and walk away.

I know you must be saying Rosie has lost her mind, but as you travel this road called life, you will come to realize that some events will happen where the truth will be revealed. It may not happen in the nicest way, but it allows you to see what lies before you and it helps you to make a concrete decision going forward. You just had a major life lesson, some will happen in different forms as you get older; it could be in a job, with another friend/partner etc. However, you will learn to recognize the signs around you. The question is, would you keep on repeating the same mistakes?

Look, I am giving you a “hug” right now, but you do need to continue your anger management classes, also practice deep breathing before you do something foolish. Learn to walk away when things don’t seem right and have faith that this is all a learning curve to help you get to the next level of maturity. Finish school, forgive your people (forgiveness is a gift you give yourself) and move on. You do not have to keep them as friends. Wish them well and be successful within your own spirit. Be well, my young friend.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.