Hey Rosie!
February 1, 2013

Men, check your urges, please!

Hey Rosie,

I am 20 years old and I have a bunch of good friends, but my very best friend that I’ve known since 2nd grade I consider to be like my sister. Our parents get along, we sleep over at each other’s houses and we share all of our secrets.{{more}} The thing is that I’ve noticed, for about a year now, that her father keeps giving me some strange looks! Rosie, at first, I thought I was imagining things, but then one day at her house, everyone was there for a BBQ and her father was talking to me and then it got real creepy he started to ask me about my boyfriend, if he was treating me good, if I’ve ever been with an older man.
 
Rosie, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! He made me feel really nasty and I walked away, wanting to tell my friend and my mother, but I didn’t because I knew that it would be a BIG problem! I haven’t been over there for a long time. I am so messed up I can’t even talk to my best friend freely; I’m just a mess. Why did he have to go and spoil things?

Upset

Dear Upset,

WOW! I feel for you. I, too, would be so upset about this experience, from the standpoint as a young woman and the standpoint of a parent as well.

So, for the record, you did NOTHING wrong! You, unfortunately, were the unwilling recipient of this man’s advances. It’s a shame when men of a certain age do this; I still can’t understand why.

Men, it makes you look foolish; also please do not think that we women don’t talk about you and put you on that “list” of creepy old men! So before you think about making this misstep in life, keep your “urges” in check, please! Just ridiculous!

Now, my friend, please understand that even though you didn’t do anything wrong, it still doesn’t change that fact that it has happened. So, you are going to have to speak or confide in someone whom you can trust. This time around, it will not be your bestie, because this is too much information to share with her about her father’s inappropriate actions! So, maybe if you have a good relationship with your mother, you could tell her?
 
If not, another adult that you trust. Secondly, I would avoid being around your friend’s father; why chance it? He may try again or go to another level. Who needs that? Finally, you will have to try hard to create a “new normal” with your friend. I’m not saying that you may not tell her one day, but you are going to have to wait right now until you sort out your feelings adequately.

Again, I’m so sorry that you experienced this and of course you do know that not all men are like this, right? Be well, my friend.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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