I can’t leave my 40-year-old boyfriend

Hey Rosie,

I’ve been reading your articles for very long now and you have been doing a great job in giving some powerful advice.

I am 22 years old and dating a 40-year-old guy. Rosie, ever since I was going to school, I had this thing going for him, but never one day approached him, until he did. We started dating.{{more}} At first, he told me he is dating this other woman, but I used to put that aside and went along with it. Things had been going great, until he started to lie and the truth always finds a way to slap him back in his face. I am a young lady who tends not to let anything pass away that easily, so I am always on his back with anything he does. Rosie, this guy knows my every move; I don’t lie to him, I have never cheated either, but once he can’t get things his way, he’s like “we are finished” over and over again. He, however,keeps coming back and I keep going back also. He hit me on many occasions and came back crying how much he’s sorry and sorry. We found out that we were having a baby twice, but both ended up with miscarriages and I always take everything that goes wrong for a reason as to why it happened, but my problem is I can’t leave. This guy seems like he has this big hold over me. At present, we are not talking and it’s killing to know that we are not even saying a word to each other. What do you think I should do? I need some help urgently.

Need Help

Dear Need Help,

Oh no, no, no, no! Also no! Leave this man alone, leave him be please! You are in a toxic situation. I feel as though I have to be very blunt, because you are caught up in a vicious cycle here.

You are 22 years old and you have been seeing this man for a while, in fact since you were in school (that is so wrong I can’t even begin to talk about the age difference and how he shouldn’t be messing with people’s children). However, now as a young adult, this relationship has shown many different unhealthy signs: physical abuse, verbal abuse, a callous attitude and the list goes on. So why then would you put up with this? Girl, let this go please, it’s not ever going to be better and the mind games, along with the abuse will continue. You deserve only the best.

Like someone on a drug, you may have to go cold turkey and walk away. If it is too hard for you to do, get some form of counselling; you know my drill – church, a counsellor or someone who you know will guide you correctly. Whatever method you choose, please cut this off.

You know as women, no matter our age, you really should want more for yourself. He is not your more; he’s extracting whatever positive or healthy vibes that are surrounding you. Remember whatever you want you have to encourage it in your life – so let’s talk school, positive friends, career, fun, travel, just things that will empower you to become the powerful and beautiful woman that’s already inside. I know you can. Blessings, my friend.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.