Let go of the baggage of your past

Hey Rosie,

My problem is a bit minor, but is crucial, depending on how you look at it.

I am presently in a relationship that I have not regretted, but I still am having a bit of a problem moving on from my past.{{more}}

In past relationships, I have been used in many different ways, whether for money, sex, you name it.

In my present relationship, I can’t complain. My boyfriend is a sweetheart, and I couldn’t ask for anything better, but my past is really holding me back from giving him my all, which I can see he is doing, and I know it bothers him because he may feel that I do not want this as much as he does. He fully understands what I’ve been through and is willing to help me work through it all.

I would appreciate some advice on how to get a move on and focus on my future.

Confused.

Dear Confused,

I am giving you credit for acknowledging the fact that your past is holding you back from fully embracing your future. That is most definitely half the battle won right there. Now, the million dollar question is: “What are you going to do about it?”

Never beat yourself up for past mistakes because we all make them for we are human. The trick is do we learn from them and will we repeat them again going forward? In your case, you seem to have found a very accommodating and understanding boyfriend who is willing to work with you as you try to figure out what your next steps in healing from the past should be. One big step should definitely be counseling.

When we hold on to to the baggage of the past and then we step into a new relationship with all the self doubt and sometimes loathing, it kills the relationship before it can even get off the ground. That’s why I often say heal yourself first before entering into a new relationship, because the unresolved issues of the past always come back to haunt you.

Give yourself permission to forgive yourself; we can be our own worse enemies. Then explain to your boyfriend that you do appreciate all of his love and support, but it’s only fair to let him know that you are going to need some time to seek some counseling in order to move forward. Then do exactly that: go and find a counselor and work through these issues that are nagging at you.

If you do what I’ve suggested, I am sure that your relationship with your boyfriend will be even stronger for it. Remember, you deserve the very best that this life has to offer. Be well.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.