I am afraid that he is going to cheat again

Hey Rosie,

I never thought I would find myself in the position of asking someone for advice, since I am the one that usually gives advice to my friends or even strangers. I’ve been reading your column since I was a teenager and I must say the work you do is worthy of commendation.{{more}}

I am a female in my early 20s and I need your advice. I am married to the man I love for 7 yrs now (newly married). We have been on and off, but finally fell back in love which is perfect and got married. When we were separated we both saw other people, but they never worked so here we are, me and him.

While we were engaged, he cheated on me, but I still went and got married to him, I don’t know if I forgive him, but I definitely have not forgotten. I keep thinking that he is going to cheat on me again, but when I ask, he sounds so sincere, and tells me that he cheated because he didn’t know what he wanted and now we are married, nothing like that will ever happen again. I want to believe him, but I am scared he will cheat again. Please put my mind at ease. Thanks in advance.

Put my mind at ease

Dear Put My mind at ease,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through all of this doubt and pain. However, you would have had a better chance for peace if you and your hubby had sought counseling before you jumped the broom. Pre-marriage counseling is SO important. Many couples think it’s a waste of time, but you would be so surprised the things you uncover regarding your spouse to be!

It isn’t too late for both of you, though. If you are in a loving and committed relationship and you both want this relationship to thrive, you would both seek marriage counseling to help with the lack of trust that’s happening so early in this relationship. You are carrying around so much hurt, mistrust and even anger; you wouldn’t be able to hide this for much longer.

You seem to be a very perceptive young woman who is in touch with her feelings and instincts. But there is nothing worse than a wife on Police Watch on her husband (even when he’s innocent). So before you destroy this marriage before it has a fair opportunity to start and flourish, seek help. Go to a marriage counselor, your pastor or someone who can be neutral and help mediate these issues. Also, explain to your husband without starting a fight why it is so important to you for this counseling. Men really do not like this touchy, feely, getting deep with their emotions deal. But he may eventually come around. Even if he doesn’t want to at this time, YOU should go and talk to someone about your insecurities and pain. It will do you a world of good. Finally a man can change (if he wants to), you can’t make him. So the ball is in your court. I wish you and your husband all the success in this young union. Hopefully you can build a strong foundation for the future. Be blessed.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152,

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.