How do I tell my boyfriend that I am in love with someone else?

Hi, Rosie!

Its Amandeep here.

I need your help so seriously. Two years ago I met a guy on hi5, and he gave me his number. So I started talking to him just as a friend, but he started liking me in another way. I was also interested in talking to him, but I never thought that we’ll ever be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Then he asked me to meet him and I did go to meet him.{{more}} He showed a lot of care and love. After meeting him once, I felt really good and I felt that this is the kind of guy I’d like to spend my life with. I told him that I love him and then he talked to his parents about it and I told my parents, too. But my parents never agreed for me to get married to him because he was from different caste and also because they heard alot of wrong stuff about him from people. But I always trusted him, I fought with my parents for him. I met him so many times in parks and even in his home. I used to call on the phone to his parents and everyone in his family. Everyone has already accepted me as their daughter-in-law. He also loves me so much and we have like 400 pictures together of myself with him. But after sometime he started being careless about me, but I know he still loves me so much. We had so many dreams together of getting married and planned to have kids. But he always opposes what I say or what I wish, so I started feeling really bad about him as he always made me cry.

I went to India to attend my cousin’s wedding with my family and there I saw a guy. He gave me his email address, but at first, I did not email him or chat with him online. However, when my boyfriend made me really angry, I felt so exhausted, I talked to that guy from India. At first we just talked as very good friends. Now I can’t wait to get home from college so that I can talk to him online. We talk via video calls for 5-6 hours everyday and he told me that he likes me and I also feel like I love him. But my boyfriend from here, loves me so much, too. I don’t want to break his heart by saying that I love someone else, because I know that he will be so mad. He said once that if I said something like that he’ll show our pictures to everyone and he’ll fight with the guy who loves me. I do not know why I fell in love the the guy in India. Maybe it’s just his innocence that made me like him. He is also from my caste and my parents will agree to him. But my boyfriend from here said that he will never get married to anyone else in life and he said his mum will not be able to bear this if I got married to someone else. I’m sure I’m in love with the guy from India, otherwise why do I talk to him for 7-8 hours everyday. I don’t have the heart to say to my boyfriend here that I love someone else, because he’ll never forgive me for this. It’s totally not my fault. Please help me. I really don’t know what to do. Please, I’ll be very thankful to you all my life.

Thanks

Amandeep

Dear Amandeep,

Wow and Wow! You’ve taken me on a cultural journey, then through the twists and turns of a love triangle and then we’ve sprinkled in a confused young lady smack in the middle.

First of all I have to say that I do respect that you are caught up in a quandary regarding your culture and the caste system within it. Now that is a difficult obstacle to get over, not impossible, but extremely difficult. I would think there would need to be many people interceding on both sides in order for this relationship to work. Now the question is, “Is it worth fighting for?”

I think you fell too deep too soon for your boyfriend, along with a lot of deception involved as well. This is not a great foundation for a long lasting and solid relationship. It doesn’t matter how much his family likes you, or the number of photos you have. Both of you haven’t grown enough together as a couple to make such big plans for the near future.

Then enters contestant number two from India. I know that you didn’t go looking for him but he came across your path. My problem here is that as soon as you had enough of the mental games from the first boyfriend, you struck up a conversation which lead quickly to another deep relationship. Again this is too much too soon. You must stop and realize that in the middle of this soap opera, YOU are the common factor.

I think you need to be by yourself for a while. I see you are in college. FINISH it. Become focused on bettering yourself and determining what it is you want and deserve as an independent young lady. You are not defined by these two men. Who knows what your future will bring, maybe someone more deserving of the wonderful things that you will have to offer in the future. You will need to make more rational decisions. At this point and time I don’t think you can do that. Don’t be rash just fall back. Good luck.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152,

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.