Channel that passion elsewhere

Hi Rosie,

I am an 18 year old young lady who is very beautiful and intelligent, but who really needs serious help.

I am very friendly indeed, but also easily annoyed. Rosie, I am really hot headed, with an attitude problem. But the main thing I would love to pinpoint here is that whenever I am upset, I normally get at a point where I am out of control (I really don`t care).{{more}}

At the early age of nine, my younger brother and I fought on a regular basis. I remember at one point in a fight with him, I held him at arms length and squeezed his throat as I lifted him off the ground with one arm. His eyes rolled at the back of his head as he made choking sounds, but Rosie I didn’t even care at that moment if he was going to die.

It`s been years and we haven`t got in any fights since, and I know to myself that I will never fight with my brother, but fight for my brother. I still love my brother, no matter what. My elder brother normally tells me that I am too young to have such a quick temper and I honestly believe him.

Rosie, when I get upset, I say and do things without even thinking and have no regrets. Even when I get upset with my boyfriend, I would say things that hurt his feelings, walk off, give my attitude or even hang up the phone, then I would apologize. He normally tells me that I don’t know how to speak to people and it hurts because I know that’s not the truth. Honestly, I do hate hurting people’s feelings, but whenever I get upset I can’t seem to control myself. I have turned to others for advice and sometimes I sit and speak with the inner me, then I would think about the things I do, but nothing seems to work.

I really need your help

Hello My Dear,

Wow! Let me say right off the bat that you know that there IS a problem. To have this level of anger, attitude and potential violence to others is totally unacceptable! You are definitely an intelligent young woman. You were able to pinpoint every detail of your problem. Some people are not even capable of being this honest with themselves.

That’s where your credit ends. I know some people would say: “She’s only 18 years old and she will outgrow this behavior”. I very much disagree. This should have been strongly discouraged since you were little. Even though your parents may have tried, it didn’t seem to work. When you were younger, I believe that you learnt that there were consequences for your actions. A 9-year-old with such a blinding anger that you choked your little brother until his eyes rolled back in his head? Huh? As your Mom, there might have been a “closed door” discussion to follow!

I know that you are seeking help here and I am going to give you a link so you may talk online to some real professionals regarding your anger management problems. But let’s just talk for a moment. Only you can decide that you want to change. Only you can decide that this is not who you want to be known as…the lady who has no self control. Only you can decide that if you seek out some professional help that you will have to follow through in order to blossom to your fullest potential. All of these steps will be little steps. However, if you give it an honest effort, you will be able to see that you are on the right track.

So, no more hanging up on anyone while you are on the phone. No more walking off on people when they are talking to you. No more attitude; rolling of the eyes, sucking of the teeth and hands on the hips kind of action. I could just see you for some reason (smile). Take that obvious passion and channel it elsewhere. When you feel that kind of anger coming on, maybe go and take a run to expend that energy. Take some deep and cleansing breaths. Or maybe start keeping a journal so you can document what triggered your anger and how you are feeling at the moment. Or simply tell the person that this is getting to you and it is not a good time and you have to go. This should be said before you slam the phone down or walk away. The bottom line is you will have to teach yourself self-control techniques. If not, you will be on the losing end of many meaningful relationships in the future. Remember that.

Here is a link that I think may be helpful to you in healing and moving forward: http://www.angriesout.com/

I want you to succeed and be the greatest and very best that you can be to yourself and obviously to others. You know you have a problem, so I am really pulling for you. May you begin to be the best you for 2010.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.