Have a “Sit-down”

Hi Rosie,

How are you doing? First of all, I must say that I enjoy reading your columns every week and the good advice that you give to people.

First of all, I am very well educated. I am a schoolteacher. I am 27 years old and have been teaching for the past 5 years. I am involved with this guy, I have known well for most of my life. We both grew up together. He is 30 years old and I love him very much.{{more}} He has a son, I also have two girls who are crazy over him. His family are very nice people and they also know me from the time I was a baby. The thing is, he gets these phone calls from ladies, and when they call him, even if he tells them his wife is here and he can’t talk, they still want to have long conversations with him. I get really angry about this. I love him and don’t want to lose him. We promised each other that we both would have friends, but be faithful. I don’t know what to do. If he needs anything, I also give it to him because I know once he has, he would do the same.

Please Help Me.

Dear Please Help Me,

Thank you, and I do hope you will continue to be a weekly reader. Now, let’s talk about your situation. Your problem is something that I know many women have experienced and will continue to experience. That is the lack of boundaries by other women. It would seem that you have the makings of a very decent relationship, with the potential for great success going forward. However, you must address this “hiccup” with your other half.

You see, there will always be women and men, too, who will try to “chip” away at a committed relationship. They will come under the guise of being a friend, a concerned supporter – in your case a “phone buddy”. Now, who really needs this type of drama in a relationship to begin with? No one.

I have had a similar situation, where this lady (who is now a pretty good friend) would call my house all the time to talk about her relationship with my hubby. At first, I was just taking it in. But then I realized that this behavior was obtrusive and beginning to work my nerves. So I had a sit down with my husband to discuss how I felt. He understood and told her but she didn’t seem to get the message. So I had a sit down with her (sometimes you have to kick in the door yourself!) I explained to her that I had empathy for her situation, however my husband was not her therapist. I also added that she would not like it if the shoe were on the other foot. Needless to say, there was no more confusion after that.

I shared this little story (with my husband’s permission, of course) to say this: you will have to have your own little “sit-down” with your man. If this relationship is worth fighting for, explain how it makes you feel, why it troubles you and what you would like for him to do. Your man is the one who has to put a stop to this. Plain and simple. When someone calls, either he has a quick conversation, in which he states firmly that he can’t talk at the moment or he can simply ignore the call. On the other hand, please also understand that he is allowed to have friends and be able to talk to them in your presence. He shouldn’t have to feel that in every situation he would have to walk on eggshells because you are on edge. So, find that middle ground. You will need it in order to build that solid foundation going forward.

I wish both of you much success in the future. Compromise comes in many forms.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.