I don’t want to be a player anymore

Hey Rosie,

I am a 22-year-old woman and I need your help. I am in this relationship with this young man. I really love him, but there is this guy at work who showers me with gifts and gives me anything I want.{{more}}

To be honest, we had a sexual relationship before I started dating the guy that I am with. I don’t love him, but he supports me, and the thing is, I use his money to shower my current boyfriend with gifts. I want to break it off because my boyfriend asked me to marry him, but I don’t know how. Help me, please.

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

Plain and simple, come clean with yourself first. You know in your heart this is wrong. You are essentially “playing” both of these guys. You cannot think that this is not going to backfire on you pretty soon. I am concerned for you because your co-worker isn’t going to be giving you all these “gifts” and not come for his payback really soon. Stop taking his money and gifts. Stop now! By the way, are you still sleeping with him? If so, stop that as well! This will not end in a good way, believe me. No one wants to feel as though they are being made a fool of.

Next, in regard to your current relationship, maybe you aren’t quite ready for that next step of marriage just yet. When you are making such a big step towards a future with someone, you have to have a clear conscience. Right now you do not. Even when you break it off with the other guy, you still have to ask yourself why did you allow yourself to be put in such a situation? This is an important question to ask yourself because, what if you were to do this again while you are married? Do you feel as though you have to give your current boyfriend gifts in order for him to love you? This is something you should ask yourself.

I know you are 22 years old. But as usual, you know I feel that you still have a long life ahead of you, so therefore you should still be at the stage of discovering yourself and what all life has to offer you. Take some time to look inside yourself. Maybe you should only just date people at this point (not just for what they can give you), because you may really learn that you aren’t ready to commit just yet. That isn’t a bad thing because you are still evolving as a strong young woman, one who can be independent, make good choices, give back to others and, of course, make a positive contribution in this world. All the best in your choices moving forward. I know you can do the right thing.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.