I am afraid to leave him

Dear Rosie,

I am a young single mother who is in a very nasty and abusive relationship. I have a good job, take care of my son and also I take evening classes. I live with my child’s father who is 12 years older than me. He is 33 years old and doesn’t have a job and is always drinking and cussing me.{{more}} When he is stone drunk he beats me and I have to protect my son from him. Rosie my family doesn’t like him, but they don’t know that he hits me like that. My mother tells me to leave him and come back home, but I am afraid of him. He tells me that I belong to him and that I can’t leave him. I would like to leave Rosie, but I am afraid for me and my son. What should I do?

Help Me Please!

Dear Help Me Please,

You are in a very dangerous and volatile situation. First of all you are a very smart woman because you know that this is not a safe position for you and your son. Let me say this, no one should ever put their hands on you and your child. No one and never! This man is not a real man, but a coward. Cowards rule by brute force and threats. That is what he is doing to you at the moment.

First step: We must get you out and get you out safely. I do not wish you to be hit ever again, but God forbid this happens again, I am going to ask you to document your bruises by camera, even with your cell phone camera (if you have one). Then, email these pictures to yourself for evidence. Secondly, you need someone else to know what is happening to you, because you will need a character witness for legal purposes (the third step). I then need you to make the final decision to leave. This can be very scary and sometimes dangerous. However, you should let the Police know about the abuse, and also follow through in pressing charges. Many times we women tend to feel sorry for our abusers and drop the charges. This is not a good idea. I am not a lawyer or Police Officer, but I would seek their advice, listen carefully and then stick to the plan.

If you move back home, you have to be very careful and vigilant in regards to your daily safety. Always be sure that you are with someone at all times. Let the caregiver of your son also know what is going on as well, because he could try to get to you via your son. Never go out late at night by yourself. If you have brothers, uncles or male cousins let them look out for you too.

My advice may seem a little extreme, but one can never tell what someone like this could do. This will not be your life forever, but your transition will be bumpy to say the least. You are on the right track about getting out. Don’t let the fear take over. You just have to be very careful and aware at all times. I pray that you ask for guidance and protection as well. God is always with us. Remember to tell the people around you what is going on. Hopefully he sees your support system and finally he may see that this abusive relationship is over. Also, take some time to heal yourself and come to terms about where you and your son go from here. I am definitely routing for you. Be safe my friend.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.