I am in too deep

Hey Rosie,

I’m living here in New York and I am married to another man from Jamaica for my Green Card. Rosie, the problem is that I have a man and a young son at home. He knows that I am doing this so we can get through.{{more}}

Rosie, the problem is that I am not only married by paper only, this man and I are living together, having sex, sleeping in the same bed. We even have bills together. Rosie, I already know what you are going to say, but I can’t help it. I love him. He is good to me. He even gives me money to send home to my other man and child. My biggest problem is that I am now pregnant (no one knows yet), and this man here doesn’t want me to go back to my other man when I get through. My plan was to marry my man home and bring him up, now I don’t. I just want my son. My life is a mess, Rosie. Help me, please.

Stuck, stuck.

Hello Stuck, stuck,

Wow! Wow! Wow! You know I am trying so hard to close my mouth, but this is like a Soap Opera gone wrong! Girl, what a hole you’ve dug for yourself! Wow again! OK, Rosie pull yourself together…I’m back, my friend.

OK, you have made some very poor choices. As a West Indian living in the US I understand fully about the choices some of us make in order to have a better life for ourselves. However, your mistake was that instead of maintaining a strict business transaction, you hooked up with a man you were attracted to and then it became a full blown relationship.

Then you unfortunately continued with the deception by not coming clean with your man at home. This is where your mistake took a very very bad turn. I know you have heard of the old saying: “Honesty is the best policy.” You should have come clean once you crossed that line.

Now another life is coming into the mix, and you still haven’t told your ex-man (let me be real about this poor guy’s status in your life) and you want your son to join your new unit? Bad move at the moment. Do not add any undue confusion to your son’s life at this time. You haven’t even owned up to your immediate infidelity with his father yet!

OK, the bottom line is that you have to tell you ex that it’s over. Maybe, you shouldn’t go through all the graphic details. But you will have to be very straightforward. After the shouting and name-calling begins to die down (this could take a couple of years). You and your ex will have to learn to be co-parents. He is doing right by your son and you cannot expect to take him away because you want to add him to your new life. Realize that your son will also be resentful about breaking up his family as well.

Please seek some legal and emotional help as you move forward. You will need someone to talk to through this very rough time. You are by no means a bad person, just someone who decided to jump into the deep end and forgot that she could not swim that well. All the best with the baby. Remember, always be honest and think before you act. It will stand you in good stead in the future.

All the best,

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.