Dad’s cheating: should I tell?

Hey Rosie,

I have a major problem. I am 22 years old and I just found out that my father is cheating on my mother, and even worse, he has a baby girl with this woman. We are from St. Vincent but we have been living in the US for many years now.{{more}}

My parents have been happily married (or so I thought) for over 27 years! So I had no idea this was going on. What is upsetting me is that I have always loved and looked up to my Dad and I can’t believe he has done this.

I told my older sister who wants to tell our Mom. What should we do? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I feel that she should know.

By the way, my father doesn’t know we know. I found out about his girlfriend and the baby when I was visiting a friend who had some pictures on her computer of them! I am really upset. I am avoiding him because I am so upset!

Waiting for your answer, Rosie.

Disappointed.

Dear Disappointed,

Wow! Wow, again! How truly sorry I feel for you and your sister at the moment. There is nothing like feeling let down by a parent, especially by something like this. I must say that you are coming across as a very mature 22 year old. The fact that you haven’t blown up at your father is to be commended.

OK, this is my suggestion to you, do not tell your mother. You should confront your father. Tell him what you have found out. If he denies it, give him your proof. Then give him the opportunity to tell you as much as he can. This whole step isn’t easy, because this is now changing the dynamics of your relationship with your Dad. However, you’ve mentioned that you do love and have respect for him. So, even though you may be disappointed at these new revelations, it doesn’t change the fact that he is your father. Respect that.

Finally, he should be encouraged to speak to your mother, his wife, himself. Their history is way longer and deeper than yours! You and your sister should not be put in this position. This is something that needs to be handled between this couple. Infidelity is not pretty. But it can be overcome, if this is what both parties want. Your father has to realize that he made this unfortunate mis-step in his marriage and has to be the man to correct it.

Disappointed, be strong. There are some very uncomfortable days, weeks and months ahead. If you have faith, continue to hold unto that. Things in this life always reveal themselves as a lesson down the road. You are strong, so is your sister, your Mom and Dad. I do wish you and your family strength, faith and courage in the coming days. Also never be afraid to reach out for professional help if it all becomes too much for you. Peace.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.