Parents won’t acknowledge my unborn child!

Hey Rosie,

I am having a hard time right now. I am expecting my first child with my girlfriend, which is really great and wonderful. I was nervous when she told me, but I’m over that now, and just looking forward to the birth of my beautiful baby girl.{{more}}

The problem that I have is this. I told my parents that I’m having a kid, and from the reaction I got, it’s like I committed some kind of crime or I murdered someone. I received the usual father son talk from my father, but my mother just told me: “Yo have money to mind picney?” and she walked off. To this day she has not asked me not once, anything about the baby or what choice I made. From the conversation that transpired when I told them, first it seemed to me like they wanted me to tell my girlfriend to have an abortion, but this is my first child, and I’m not going to do such a thing.

In about two months time my girlfriend will be almost nine months and in all that time my parents have not asked me anything to do with my child. All my other family members have told me congratulations and have asked me how is the baby, how is my girlfriend, and so on. Even my grandparents Rosie, the people who I was expecting to be disappointed were not.

Am I wrong in choosing not to tell them anything, because they have not asked me anything to this date about my baby which is their first grandchild? When my child gets here Rosie, it will be too late for them because they had more than enough time to get used to the idea of getting a first grandchild. I just find them to be acting childish and they have their own mouths to ask me what’s going on. I know my mother is going to throw in my face that I didn’t say anything at all. My mother didn’t even ask me if she could do a baby shower for my girl, but people who are not even family always seem to be going out their way to do things for them, and me her son, she can’t even do something for. I’m just confused and annoyed. I need some help and advice because they wouldn’t be seeing their grandchild, period, when she is born.

Confused and Annoyed

Dear Confused and Annoyed,

First of all, congratulations to you and your girlfriend on the upcoming birth of your precious daughter. This is truly one of life’s miracles. I have to also commend you, as a young man, for stepping up to the plate in being a supportive partner and also an excited expectant father. We do not find many unwed men in your position who are actively involved like this, so I say to you “good job and keep it up!”

Now getting to the problem with your parents, to be more specific… your mother’s reaction to the news of her grandbaby’s arrival. As hurtful as her reaction is, you MUST forgive her. I know that this is not what you want to hear at the moment, but it is the truth. I fully agree with you that her response was not appropriate. She could have approached this in a much different way. Or at least by now she could have calmed down and had more of a heart to heart with you about her fears for you.

That is just what it is. She is very fearful about the new direction that your life is taking and is scared that you may not know what you are doing. In her mind, you are still her baby! However, as with situations like this, a baby tends to bridge the gaps of many great divides in families. Even when our families may seem disappointed in us, they come around to supporting the new life and also the new parents. It is simply the circle of life and blood is truly thicker than water.

Don’t hold this bitterness inside. This is one of the first true tests you will be going through as a man. Forgive your parents, continue to be open about information in regards to the baby’s birth etc. You and your girlfriend continue to support each other, because you are now a unit that is responsible for this new life. I believe that when it slowly starts to unfold, your Mother will extend an olive branch (in her own way). Accept it and re-unite.

Much blessings for a safe delivery. Keep the faith, families may disagree, but the birth of a baby reopens our hearts to love and new beginnings. Give them a chance.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.