I believe my boss is in love with me, but is just too shy to express it!

Life Coach Adams (LCA): Hi. How are you today?

Infatuated Woman (IW): I’m doing okay.

LCA: Good. How can I be of help?

IW: I am in love with this really handsome young man, but my co-worker keeps telling me that he does not love me back and that he could not possibly be in love with me.

LCA: So, you are in love with someone who also loves you, but your co-worker thinks you are mistaken.{{more}}

IW: Yes.

LCA: How did this love relationship begin?

IW: Recently, I got a cleaning job at a really fancy hotel near to where I live. I’ve been searching for a job for a while and it was the only one I could get, even though it’s not what I see myself doing for the rest of my life. Anyway, one day while I was on my lunch break outside, I saw an extremely handsome young gentleman walking around the grounds and was told by another cleaner (my friend) that he was the hotel’s new owner. He inherited the place from his father only a few months before I got my job. He had been overseas and was back on vacation for a few weeks. He came over to us and greeted us, and I’m absolutely certain that he kept looking and smiling at me. I’m sure that every time I saw him after that, he kept his eyes lingering on me for longer than is usual. My heart skipped a beat every time I saw him!

LCA: So, you love him.

IW: Yes! I love him and I can’t stop thinking about him and I dream about him, a lot. I’m positive he loves me too. I always catch him glancing at me and he never failed to say hello whenever he saw me. About a month ago, I left a letter for him at the front desk, asking him to dinner, and when I checked back, I was handed a note in which he declined my offer. Shortly after this I realized that he had left for overseas. So, I asked someone for the address for where he was staying (stating that it was urgent) and once I got it, I immediately went about buying chocolate, flowers, cookies, cologne and other things, which I sent to him; but they were returned with a note saying, “Thanks, but I cannot accept these.”

LCA: So, you sent him gifts to show him how much you love him, but they were returned.

IW: Yes, and again my friend told me that he could not possibly love me. So, I am here because I want to hear what you think.

LCA: I think your friend may be right.

IW: Oh?

LCA: You may be suffering from a condition called erotomania, which occurs when a person believes that someone in a higher status is in love with him or her and that this love is being demonstrated via special glances, smiles, greetings, or other signals.

IW: Ugh!!

LCA: The person who feels loved generally tries to return the perceived affection by letters, phone calls, gifts, and visits to the other party (just like you did), who is usually quite unaware.

IW: So, you mean my friend is right! This can’t be! I’m sure he loves me! I saw all those glances! He’s just shy and not sure how to say it! So, I have to help him to express it!

LCA: Let us examine the evidence. You do not know this man very well; you only know his name and that he is the new owner of the hotel. Is this correct?

IW: Yes.

LCA: He has never spoken to you, except for smiling at you and saying hello. Correct?

IW: Yes.

LCA: You are not in a relationship with him. Correct?

IW: Well, not yet, but I know he has feelings for me, and I just need to get him to admit it.

LCA: You left him an invitation to dinner, which he declined. Correct?

IW: Yes.

LCA: You also sent him gifts, which he returned. Correct?

IW: Yes.

LCA: These are pieces of evidence that demonstrate that your belief may not true; he may not be in love with you, although you may have feelings for him.

IW: Maybe you are right – just a little – but I can keep trying and maybe he will come around at some point.

LCA: I want you to know that even if you keep on trying, he may never come around; he may never feel the same way about you.

IW: That’s okay. Only time will tell. I’d like to go now.

LCA: I would like to continue working with you on this issue. Would you mind coming again?

IW: What’s there to work

on? I love him and one day he’ll be mine.

LCA: Thanks for coming. I will be available if you change your mind.

IW: Thanks, Life Coach.

NB. Erotomania is considered to be a delusional disorder caused by a lack of attention or affection from the opposite-gender parent. Treatment includes therapy and anti-psychotic medication. A client with this disorder is unlikely to seek treatment and needs the assistance of significant others in order to be restored to normal or adequate social functioning.

Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach, Dr Adams, a licensed clinical psychologist. Please note that all correspondence to the Life Coach is confidential and the cases presented are modified in order to maintain the anonymity of each writer. Dynamic Action Centre International Inc (DYNACII) is a non-governmental organization, committed to social and spiritual empowerment. For more information on DYNACII please visit: http://www.dynacii.com