New Year’s Resolution

Dear Life Coach,

Every new year for the past 10 years I have promised myself to change my life: lose weight, get a job and maintain it, settle down and get married, and accumulate some assets. I am a 35-year-old man, yet I have nothing to show for it. Many of the guys that I went to school with have a life: they have a wife and children, a house and car, and a steady job.{{more}} I started smoking “weed” when I was about age 19 and since then everything has been a downward slide; I took up with the wrong crowd and left home before time. I have two children, but I was separated from their mother, and I have not been able to support them for the past two years and in the past when I did, it was sporadic, because I have never had a steady job. I really want to turn my life around, but I really don’t know how to go about it. I’m so messed up and at this point I feel so desperate.

Desperate Man (DM)

Dear DM,

You feel disappointed in yourself because you have not been able to live up to your own ideals and expectations.

Your Situation:

A number of factors are at work here: new year’s resolution, developmental stage, marijuana abuse, weight management, unemployment, skills training, and supporting a family.

New Year’s Resolution

A New Year’s Resolution is a commitment to one’s self at the start of the new year to achieve a personal goal such as losing weight. The new year spurs us to make a fresh start in an area of life with which we are dissatisfied. Millions of individuals are, however, unsuccessful in maintaining the desired change.

Developmental Crisis

You are in the early adulthood stage of your development. For your healthy adjustment you need to achieve intimacy (sharing your life with and making a commitment to a partner), as well as the developmental tasks of child rearing and career development. Your inability to do these have caused you to feel disappointed and dissatisfied, since these achievements create meaning and purpose in our lives.

Marijuana Abuse

Marijuana is made from the hemp plant which contains many chemicals that cause both psychological effects (such as slowing of time) and physiological effects (such as increased appetite and drowsiness). Long term use of marijuana also causes social, school, and occupational disruption, and physical dependence. Marijuana possession (use) is also an illegal activity.

Weight Management

Weight loss may be tricky, depending on your metabolism (how rapidly your body burns calories), your activity level (whether you move a lot or sit a lot) and your body type (whether you store fat easily).

General Rules for Weight Loss:

Set 3 or 4 meal times each day and stick to them

Do not eat between meals

Eat from a plate that is about 9 inches in diameter

For lunch and dinner, divide your plate into four sections as follows: Fill half your plate with green leafy vegetables; fill a quarter of your plate with a lean meat; fill a quarter of your plate with complex carbohydrates.

Drink water or fruit juices with no sugar added

Stick to natural foods, that is, avoid foods made in a factory

Walk for at least 30 minutes, 3 times per week

Sleep for 8 hours each night

Keep stress to a minimum

Losing weight means changing the way you live, that is, including these 10 changes in your life every day.

What to Do

Quit Using Marijuana

Marijuana abuse has disrupted your physiological, social, occupational and emotional functioning. If you wish to progress in your life, then you must quit the habit. Visit your doctor for a counselling referral, as well as for treatment of withdrawal symptoms.

Skills Training

Since you are not skilled or qualified for a job, you should consider going back to school, or becoming an apprentice in a skill of interest to you e.g. construction or mechanics.

Employment

Seek work in an area that does not require a skill e.g. packing shelves in a supermarket or mowing a lawn. Employment will make you more attractive to potential partners and you will be able to support your children, start a savings account and develop an asset base over time.

Support & Visitation

As a father, your input is very important for the healthy development of your children, so please visit them and play with them, although you are not able to give them financial support at present.

Steps to Achieving Your New Year’s Resolution

Expect slip-ups and plan for them

Set a mental focus

Visualize yourself being slim

Get family support

Prepare to take action

Set a start date and start

Keep a record of your successes

DK, you are still young and have a lot of living to do. It is my hope that you will be able to get back on track very soon.

Life Coach

DYNACII

Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach. Email your questions to dynacii@gmail.com. To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: http://www.dynacinternational.com. Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.