The Essence of Fatherhood

WHEN YOU HEAR the word, “father,” what images come to mind? What about the word, “daddy?” Depending on what type of father you had growing up, these words can elicit very positive or very negative memories. Some children grow up with fathers who are actively and positively involved in their lives.

These fathers love their children, spend time with them, praise them, play with them, protect them, teach them, and help them deal with the struggles of life.

On the other hand, some children grow up with fathers who are very uninvolved. Their actions do not convey love.They spend minimal amounts of time with their children; they do not encourage them, and they provide very little guidance.

So, what is the essence of fatherhood? Is it simply the establishment of biological paternity? Do fathers simply provide a pay cheque? Or does fatherhood encompass much more? Perhaps the more pertinent question is this: What constitutes responsible fatherhood?

Responsible fatherhood cannot be proven with a blood test, nor does it consist of simply providing a pay cheque. Responsible fatherhood cannot be reduced to a single dimension. It involves commitment, self-sacrifice, integrity, and unconditional love. Responsible fathers are concerned with the well-being of their children, and their desire is to see their children succeed in all areas of life.

Qualities of a Good father: 1. Dependability Being there through thick and thin. This is not just being present and correct. It’s about being consistently available for your kids through good times and bad.

2. Involvement Being personally engaged in your child’s lives, interests, hopes and dreams on a daily basis. Being curious and attentive requires you to put your distractions to one side.

3. Compassion Showing compassion, hope and belief when your child needs it most. Compassion is a state of mind or attitude that really helps us to feel connected and close to the human experience of being a child.

4.Valuing of mother Showing respect and love of your child’s mother. This isn’t about just always agreeing with mum! Valuing is similar to validating your partner for who they are with all their imperfections. Showing love and respect requires action, not just thoughts, and teaches your sons and daughters how to be treated.

5. Empathy Listening empathically in order to be understanding, present and engaged. Putting yourselves into the shoes of others enables them to feel heard, respected and valued. Even if you don’t completely get it, or even like it!

6. Being verbally expressiveT o clearly communicate, uphold guidelines, being tough yet fair, without belittling or being controlling.

7. Being human To own mistakes, be open to feedback, and teach that growth is a lifelong endeavour. So, dad, know that you will get it wrong, sometimes! I reckon teaching your kids to be human, (mistakes happen, but it is how you pick yourself up after makes the significant difference) means you must show your own humanity, as often as possible.

8. Honesty Teach and live by the values of honesty and integrity.

9. Playfulness Showing delight in your children through fun and play. The benefits of dads playing has been researched, particularly

the rough and tumble play and it teaches your children to regulate their feelings and accept limits and boundaries.

10. Being industrious Model a healthy work ethic as a source of personal accomplishment and satisfaction. This isn’t necessarily associated only with work; it’s a valuable attitude toward life tasks in general.

Health Benefits of Fatherhood 1. Children are a motivation to be healthy. All parents want to raise their children to be happy and healthy. Often, the desire to be a good role model is enough motivation to eat healthier and exercise regularly. If you’re trying to instil healthy habits in your children, you will naturally find yourself playing more with your kids and cooking more healthy meals at home. On the flip side, children can force you to create some “me time,” and the gym can provide a healthy escape from the chaos of being a dad.

2. Children demand a more active lifestyle. Children have so much energy and love to play. If your lifestyle before kids involved a lot of sitting on the couch, expect to change gears. Children have a tendency to get you up and outside, wrestling on the living room floor, and running around the park.While playtime may not seem like an intense workout, daily activity gets you up and moving, which burns calories throughout the day.

3. Children give dads a sense of purpose. The health benefits of fatherhood are not all physical. Starting a family gives men a heightened sense of purpose. “Fatherhood comes with a lot of great health benefits. Not only does it inspire men to take better care of themselves physically, but it also fills them with a sense of purpose that genuinely enhances their psychological well-being,” says Marcus Goldman, M.D., author of “The Joy of Fatherhood: The First Twelve Months.”

4. Being a good dad boosts self-esteem. Positive family relationships are proven to boost self-esteem. Men who have strong relationships with their spouse and children tend to have higher self-esteem, which can also benefit a man’s work performance and marital stability. High self-esteem is negatively correlated with symptoms of depression, anxiety and other mental health problems.

5. Children help alleviate stress, sometimes. Children can be stressful, as all parents know. However, also provide a release from adult stresses, like tight deadlines at work and paying your mortgage. Children bring innocence, imagination and silliness to your life, which can lighten the burden of adulthood and alleviate symptoms of stress. “Dads who have good relationships with their children are less likely to suffer from chest pain, insomnia, fatigue, indigestion and dizziness,” says psychologist Rosalind Barnett, Ph.D.

“The call of fatherhood is in fact a call of sacrifice, not in some heroic sense where a father is lifted high on some glowing pedestal with all of his sacrifices held up to the awe of those around him. Rather, it is a call that will cost him all that he has, that will be absent of accolades, where rewards will be sparse, and where he will someday find himself having spent all, but in the spending have gained everything. And this is the glory of fatherhood.” – Craig D. Lounsbrough