The enemy of my enemy is my friend

Continued from last week

Take away points:

∑ People come into our lives on a daily basis for many different reasons and motives. It is important for us to assess the purpose of each individual in our lives. Real friends make you feel needed, confident, and happy. Everyone needs a little positive energy here and there, and true friends have it in spades. Even when they disagree with you (“that hat is the ugliest thing”), they still support you the best they can (“but, at least, you’re rocking it!”).

∑ If your friend gives you genuine compliments, on everything from your new outfit to your work ethic, it’s a good sign.

∑ See if your friend is your cheerleader. Though your friend doesn’t have to always cheer you on, if your friend is a good friend, then they should be your fan and should always root for you to succeed.

∑ If your friend always dismisses or one-ups your successes (“You got an 85 on the test? That’s cool, I got an 89”), puts you down, and/or doesn’t believe you can succeed, then they aren’t a true friend – kick their unpleasant attitudes up the curb.

∑ See if they truly listen to you. Sometimes all you need is for someone to shut up and listen. True friends know how to close their mouths and open their ears, as long as you can do the same from time to time. They make eye contact when talking, remember what you’ve told them, and ask thoughtful questions. Notice who does most of the talking. In an ideal friendship, both friends should roughly share the same amount.

∑ If you feel like you are always the one listening to your friend’s problems, then you’re not getting your fair share of the friendship.

∑ If your friend is looking around the room and checking their phone every time you talk, or has no recollection of that time you said you were applying to law school, they’re probably fake friends, not worth your time.

∑ Consider whether you communicate openly with each other. With true friends, you happily share embarrassing stories and secrets, and they share them back.

∑ Decide if your friend is honest. Honesty is one of the cornerstones of a true friendship. If your friend is open and honest with you, it’s a good sign. If your friend lies, no matter if it’s about little things or big things, chances are you don’t have a true friendship.

∑ Find out if they gossip about you. If your so-called friend loves to get involved in the rumour mill, it’s possible they’re gossiping about you when you’re not around. Everyone loves some juicy gossip from time to time. But, if you feel like your friend is always gossiping about someone or talking trash, chances are your “friend” will do the same as soon as your back is turned. Here are some ways to know if your friend’s gossiping is out of control:

o If your friend talks trash about someone as soon as they leave the room, it shows poor character.

o If your friend routinely talks about people they claim to be their closest friends, then they’re likely doing the same about you to their other “true” friends.

o If your friend is always saying negative things about people who aren’t around, they may be doing it when you’re gone, too.

Follow your instincts to find true friends. If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Don’t follow horror-movie logic, ignoring your bad feelings to get burned later on. If you’re unhappy with them, don’t feel supported and loved, or can’t trust a friend, then chances are they are not a friend. True friends aren’t easy to come by, but that doesn’t mean you need to settle for someone who treats you badly.

Step back a minute and ask yourself if you really think they are a true friend. If you’re even questioning whether your friend is a true friend or not, then there’s a good chance there’s a major problem in your relationship. No friendship is perfect, and bumps are bound to happen. But those bumps shouldn’t make up the whole road of your relationship.