De Bridegroom reach!

In April last year when COVID-19 took de world (except Sin-Vin-Sin) by surprise, Grin-Ada went on ah early Lock Down, but just like we
in SVG, dey paid no attend-shun to dey Grenadines islands, Carry-Coup and Pity Martinique, so when we brothers and sisters from Carry-Coup ran out ah basic supplies; in desperate-shun, dey broke de curfew and came to SVG (Union Island) to look foh food. Man Pry-ministers Me-shell and Gone Soft went to War wid dey mouths. Lie-Za forced me wid me Cock-ah-Roach self to go dip me mouth in Fowl-Cock party and write ah set ah non-cents. Even though it was ah boring Article, ah still got nuff licks foh contempt or its content. But Lie-Za doh ley me rest in peace; she say is like she got pregnant when she read it last year, she has had Nine Months ah Pay-in wid Labour, sorry, Labour Pain, de baby is here and ah must repeat what ah said den.

So I quote from dat Article: “Jesus during his short stint on earth men-shun bout ah wedding dat had ah (big) bridal party wid ten bridesmaid (virgins), and dey were required to go out and meet de Bridegroom. Each one was required to have ah flashlight wid fully charged batteries, just in case it got dark. But like so many of us, we posing flashlight but we battery…dead; so it was wid five ah de Bridesmaid, no Salvation… oops… sorry, no battery! Dey were described as foolish Virgins! Everybody was present except de Bridegroom. He was long in coming; seemed like his BMW broke-down, some even thought he might have changed His mind; maybe he not coming again. Finally, de Bridegroom did arrive (in SVG in January 2021), midnight on de dot, and every man Jack was fast asleep. Ah not-so sleepy-head someone shouted: “The Bridegroom reach ooye, come out an’ meet Him!”

Pandemonium broke loose! Big scrambling foh Flash-lights! All of ah sudden de five foolish Bridesmaids discovered dey was no light beaming from dey flashlight. No Battery! Dey Unprepared! Someone suggested to dem dat Gaymes Drug Store does be opened after midnight, so dey went and sure as hell, Gaymes had batteries. Alas! when de Foolish Bridesmaids got back, it was too late. De Bridegroom along wid those Bridesmaids wid batteries, who were Prepared and Ready to meet Him, had already gone inside de Wedding Banquet. “But de Door was already Shut! Ah Lock Down!” De article continues:

“Lie-Za asking me if ah think de Covid19 is ah Bridegroom, and if we have enuff Flashlights wid batteries in SVG. If we do, how do we explain de big scramble in getting schools started. Is de Hell’t Ministry not capable of delivering all releases on Hell’t, Covid19, ah Pan-dem-ache? API maybe, but NEMO? Hell’t No!” End of dat quotation.

As ah said, dat Article was written Nine Months Ago, and like ah pregnant mother, de good/bad lady has delivered twins, ah bouncing baby boy name “La Suffray de Volcano” and ah cute baby girl name “El Corona del COVID-19.” Yes de Pan-dem-ache is definitely here and if it ain’t meet yuh yet, is because it ain’t pass your/my way yet. And if COVID-19 catch we Vincy wid we pants down, it is too late now to blame anybody. Doh Pan-ache! Drink ah lot ah Warm Water wid Lemon juice and ah dash (1/2 teaspoon) ah Baking Soda, Ginger tea. Eat ah lot ah fruits: Bananas, Mangoes and Lemons! Eat boiled Ground Provision, wash dem clean, or scrape dem and boil dem, doh throw way de water, strain it drink dat too, it’s good foh de immune system. “Wear yuh Mass,” keep way from crowds. Now is de time we need dem Love Boxes, And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.