Should we call it a day?

Hi Rosie,

I am having a major issue with my ex-fiancé/baby’s father/pain in my butt. He and I have a 15-year-old daughter together and we have been together for over 17 years. We have been living together for 15 of those 17 years, but we decided to take a “break” two years ago, because we want different things. He wants me to pursue a certain type of occupation which I don’t want to do. {{more}}He wants me to act a certain way that I don’t feel I have to or want to do anyway. This has come between us as we try to parent our daughter, especially as she plays us against each other. I now have my own place and even though I miss him and would like for us to work on this relationship, I think it’s too late. I’ve been seeing another man casually and I know he has been seeing people, even though he’s more sneaky about it. Rosie, should we just call it a day? I think I need to move on.

Done

Dear Done,

Well, you do have many titles to describe your ex I see; very interesting. Personally, I think you are very much aware of the status of your relationship with your “pain”.

Seventeen years is truly a long time to be with someone. Both of you have a very involved history, not to mention a teenaged daughter who needs to have her parents as level-headed as possible too. As always, this is your choice, but I can’t help but feel that this relationship may have run its course. If someone or a situation makes you feel less than content, then that becomes a flag. If you are dating someone else, there is another flag. If you have been living apart for two years, there goes yet another flag!

It is better to be in a healthy space where you are at peace with YOURSELF first, and then everything else will fall into place. Your daughter needs two healthy parents who can successfully co-parent and guide her. Unfortunately, she sees the rift and is using this opportunity to get what she wants. You guys need to sit down and come to a place of an agreement in terms of your daughter; then, presenting a united front, moving forward.

I think if you are honest with yourself, you have already made a decision in terms of your personal relationship with your ex. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends one day; it’s just that you’ve come to a fork in the road and you have to decide what direction you are going to take.

I wish you all the best,

Rosie